keeping friends has always been a struggle for me and i get scared every time i make new friends. i’m really good at small talk but once people really get to know me they never really want to stay. i feel like i’m too much.
i give so much of myself into the friendship they get overwhelmed by me. so then i just shut down and try not to bother them anymore. this keeps happening and i don’t know how to fix myself. at this point i think it’s better not to try anymore.
2 comments
Don’t stop trying. There might be times when it might be a little much and that rejection hurts, but surely if your nice enough and friendly enough, others will reciprocate. Please don’t shut yourself off from other people.
Good thing is, you have developed the skills to make friends. =)
now is how to keep them.
Why not change your outlook on friendship. As not some magical thing but more a contractual thing. In which both of you get a benefit out of it.
Since you think a problem is that you overwhelm then, why dont distribute the load.
i.e. i have different categories of friends.
those who are there to fulfill some specific needs i have. For example those i go to boardgame evenings or do sports together or just talk during work breaks mostly about work stuff.
Here i tend to keep myself distanced from personal stuff.
Then there is close friends, where i can openly talk and i feel save. But i take care that i am not dependent on them.
In your case, maybe try out to limit your involvement in the friendship. So only do something together every 2 weeks and maybe later once every week.
Also no need to talk about everything with them. keep a part of it to yourself. if you have a second friend you can share that part with them.
No one has to really know you completely. it is enough that they know one significant side of you.
It may also be, that you feel like you give so much into the friendship and they feel like the friendship revolves mostly around you and they have no place/space.