She broke up with me. I saw the signs. I waited. I was right.
This one is hard though, there was no fight, no harm, no foul, just a non-fit. I knew it and so did she but it’s hard as hell to let go after that initial connection is made.
Anyways, I want to cut, I even want to die, but really? I left a thirteen year relationship and barely batt an eye because I had moved on mentally long before but I’m about top commit die after breaking up a four month relationship? That seems ridiculous. Emotions are emotions but that logically doesn’t add up.
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well, when you go through a breakup early in the relationship, you’re mourning the future you would have had with that person. Your mind can torture you with the pleasure lost…. but if you’ve had substantial time with someone, you know the score, you know what there would have been more of. Maybe it was good, but it can’t compete with the unknown.
Humans sure are wired funny, eh?
Fuck, that’s the best explanation I’ve ever heard. lol
ah mr heartless, that’s perhaps why i am stuck on the last loss- what could’ve been. bc it hadn’t been that long yet, one doesn’t know what was lost- or what wasn’t. it could’ve turned out amazing- the “one”- OR it could’ve also ended messy, terrible and a waste of time. but i am stuck on the “what could’ve been”- stuck on the good part and minimizing potential downsides.
i do feel like a fuckup- like it LIKELY would’ve result in good vs bad and i fucked it up. ah well. FML. nothing ever goes well in my life so why expect it?? -_-
I believe that identifying and countering unrealistic expectations is the first step to a better outlook. It took me many years romantically, but it appears I developed realistic expectations. It didn’t solve everything, because spoiler, nothing does.
but if you never move on, you just stay in that fantasy world of what might have been. Then it just becomes obsession, and down that road there be monsters. Lucky/unlucky for me, I was raised by a child of addiction, so whenever obsession came up I was ‘corrected’. Not that I’m some kind of picture of emotional health. I just appear to coexist with the darkness better than average.
well the thing is, am i being unrealistic? unlike other ppl, when i rarely get the “the one” or “the right feeling.” it’s only happened 2x in my life. so what are the chances i’ll even get that feeling again from someone?
this is why i am stuck- bc i rarely ever like someone enough for me to even get that feeling, ya know? like i just don’t like 99.9% of ppl. so when i do like someone and get that feeling, i should have stuck with it. that’s why there’s the regret and not getting over this guy. i mean, if i found someone else, or got the same “it” feeling for someone else since, i’d move on from him easy. but it’s been 14 years and i have not gotten that “it” feeling from anyone else. that is the problem… had i known i wouldn’t get that feeling again from another guy, i wouldn’t have broken up with him so quickly. -_-