I’m not doing well, and haven’t been for a good few months. Always been a depressive type, but I’ve really fallen down lately haha. Especially recently, where suicidal and self harm related thoughts have been daily. Been in contact with people to get help but waiting lists are long (and hope’s falling a bit low haha).
One of the things I keep thinking about is when I was in a better (though far from good) place a few months ago, and one of my very close friends was in a much worse place than they’re in now.
I checked in on them near daily, and they were always happy for it and they’ve told me how much it meant. Nowadays they seem a good bit better, and things in their life seem to be on the rise.
I say seem to, because we haven’t talked much at all since New Year’s, and our last emotional talk was in early December. I see their life through the group chats we share and the social media posts of them and the rest of my friend group. I’m sure I could reach out but I’ve hardly been able to leave my room so it’s quite difficult. Is it wrong to want them to check in on me more if I’m not communicating it? Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely happy that their life is improving. I just feel a bit like I could use some of the care I had for them back when they needed it.
That stretches to the rest of my group, too. These are people I consider closer than anyone else. Is it wrong for me to feel a bit hurt that they don’t seem worried about the fact that I’ve suddenly basically gone off grid? I mean, I live with some of these people I feel like I shouldn’t need to overtly say somethings up considering how close I thought we were? Maybe they just think space is what I need right now. Maybe they are worried and don’t know how to open the conversation or something.
This probably isn’t a fair thought to have- that person has helped me emotionally in the past, it’s not like it’s been 100% of our friendship has been me helping them. That was when they had a worse time of life themself, though, and I guess I’m a bit scared that they’re not checking in on me because I might bring them back down? Or that they’d think that, at least.
idk. I really wanna kms and this is one problem I can ruminate on that isn’t exactly that haha. Guess its a distraction in the end. I’d appreciate a stranger’s thoughts on this a lot, though.
2 comments
i can relate. yeah, it makes sense for you to wonder. though you’ll never really know the answer. could be that they want to give you space, but it could be a combo of that and self preservation, who knows right? we’re not supposed to think about this stuff apparently. like someone else said on here to me, we can’t really control other people and while i really do think people need to communicate more and share some of their business, in regular social life the norm is to mind your own.
* some people move closer in terms of distressing situations, and some are more avoidant. i don’t know what’s right or wrong anymore in that regard. how you’ll react is what matters. maybe even bring it up to them.