Hey there my lovely fellows,
hope y’all are doing okay, considering. I’ve used this forum several years ago, and have been doing a little better for some while but now life came crushing down again. And I really have no idea how to cope with everything. Within two days, my life completely fell apart and I have already been struggling before with stress, self-loathing, PTSD, etc. Well, now I’ve lost my apartment, a good amount of my friends, while some others are a couple of thousand kilometres away and worst of all, I lost my dog. It is so incredibly painful, I only got one year with him and he was my everything. Every time that I struggled, he would come over to me and we would cuddle, he’d lay on my body and calm me down. He gave me a reason to get up in the morning, structure, unconditional love that he showed me every time I went to him, and he gave happiness. He gave me a reason to life, made my life worth it. Now that’s gone. The despair, hopelessness and all these negative emotions are drowning me. Until everything is gone again and I become this empty shell of a human being which is numb to everyone and everything – dead inside. But honestly – that’s better than the pain. I don’t think I want to die but I most certainly don’t wanna live either. Not like this.
3 comments
that’s hella rough, that you have it together enough to type this is kinda impressive. Seriously, give yourself credit just for being alive, waking up, because those things are tough under the circumstances you’re talking about.
so what do you got? Loss is a constant, not to sound cold. There’ll always be a huge list of what’s missing. But what is there? What can provide even the slightest comfort? Cup of coffee or tea maybe? Warm or cold washcloth? You’d be surprised how much something like that can help.
shelter from the storm, that’s what you’re looking for. It doesn’t need to be fancy, it just has to be enough
Thanks a lot for your compassion and reply in general. In those times this means so much!
Also that perspective is true, you’re right, life is full of losses and other stuff to cope with – it seems so daunting that the struggles of life are so constant with such little relief. But yeah, I’m trying to do a bit of self care and have a good cup of tea each day. I really like your shelter from the storm analogy, that’s real true.
My problem is only, although I know the rationals my emotions are far behind. And I can’t help but try pushing them down with unhealthy habits, so that I don’t have to feel all that and come crashing down completely.
the unhealthy in unhealthy habits is relative, for example I’ve long been an advocate for caffeine and nicotine, some people look down on these things. A little alcohol now and then isn’t too bad either. Heck, even a lot if things are particularly awful…. I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than have to have a frontal lobotomy… it’s a song, I’m a very silly human being.
harm reduction, that’s the best anyone can do. and even the most rational person has the uncontrolable emotion or two every now and then….. staying sane, even relatively is good enough.