My childhood friend just became a doctor. I know I should feel happy for him, but instead I’m just hateful of myself. Because I’m really not shit. Except shit.
this is a heartache I’m familiar with. It’s been tough to explain to some of my therapists especially, I was raised in a high performing cohort, so even doing okay, I would have still been a screw up, and I didn’t.
I wish I knew what to tell you. You aren’t a failure, just because they made it better off. Some things are by chance, some things are by association, and they don’t tell us young enough how meeting the right people, shaking the right hands counts way more than being smart or hard working.
but maybe, maybe someday your thing will comes, and it’ll be better. Did you know that UPS drivers have a better retirement outlook than doctors in the US? Yeah, doctors get the prestige, but the hours suck. In my line of work and in my state of health, I’ve worked with a lot of them, most of them are dog tired all the time. Not a lifestyle I envy.
Sorry to hear PW, but I know the feeling…I’m a music lover also, well there’s a lot of things I love about life…but didn’t get a career in any of them.
I was expected to go far when I was a kid since I excelled at academics and athletics…but made some stupid mistakes along the way that messed me up.
To your OP….my brother in-law is well educated like me and about 20 years ago we were both ‘broke.’ I told him about a program that someone else told me about…I was too burnt out to study more after my degree…but he ran with it.
He started off making over $70k and now is making $250k/yr (I believe that’s US), last I heard about him. Ofc he made some smart career moves along the way, but that program got his foot in the door.
So imagine how stupid I feel for not doing the same….even if I wasn’t a corporate climber like him, I would’ve been doing much better than I am today-just scraping by on an average income.
Now that I’m in my 50s it seems utterly pointless to study like a dog and follow a similar path if I can. What’s even worse is that I live in a place that daily wrecks my sleep so I’m tired all the time…this won’t change until I move to a better place. Then I can focus on studying, going to the gym again, and other projects I want to do.
Fk I hate rotten people that ruin your life for no reason…like where I live right now. I’m paying insane rent and not getting adequate sleep.
But ya that job thing, just another huge reason I am suicidal today…I should’ve gone ahead in life like he did…but I’m struggling to just get by right now. What’s even more irksome is that he and my sister were poor and my other sister and I helped them a thousand different ways including giving them money, helping them to move to a better place, etc.
Now that we helped them get out of their mud hole…did they once think of maybe seeing how we’re doing? Maybe help out with a downpayment to get our own home? (it’d be chump change for them)….no, not even a “thanks for being there for us when we were in dire straits.”
It’s because of people like that, ingrates that good people stop being kind/generous to others. Not that I’d ever want to depend on someone else…but when it comes to family you’d think they’d see each other’s hardships and want to help out when things are better…but some people are just selfish and evil. I regret helping them. In fact it was my tip that allowed him to get that well paying job.
They partly owe us for where they are today….but rather than have any sense of gratitude, they look down on us…I had that ‘arrogant’ vibe from him when I first met him…I should’ve trusted my instincts and just avoided him….also I’ve learned the hard way to keep my great ideas to myself.
Still my lack of studying is on me, I had the same chance he did and I missed out…but it’s not too late, there are other ways of still doing well if you know what to do….but I’m just tired of the fight.
If I was in my 30s or 40s still, I’d feel I had time to make a change but now it seems pointless. Anyways I’ll do what I can…the first goal ofc is to find a better place to live in because I can’t make the most basic improvements in life, if I don’t get proper sleep.
HV, ya my friend’s son is an emergency doctor, always on call…makes tons of money…but he works crazy hours. I couldn’t handle it.
I need my solid 7-8 hrs or I’m a mess…sometimes they have to get by on 4 hrs sleep. It’s also dangerous for the patients I think. They should let doc’s have proper sleep to function effectively.
6 comments
this is a heartache I’m familiar with. It’s been tough to explain to some of my therapists especially, I was raised in a high performing cohort, so even doing okay, I would have still been a screw up, and I didn’t.
I wish I knew what to tell you. You aren’t a failure, just because they made it better off. Some things are by chance, some things are by association, and they don’t tell us young enough how meeting the right people, shaking the right hands counts way more than being smart or hard working.
but maybe, maybe someday your thing will comes, and it’ll be better. Did you know that UPS drivers have a better retirement outlook than doctors in the US? Yeah, doctors get the prestige, but the hours suck. In my line of work and in my state of health, I’ve worked with a lot of them, most of them are dog tired all the time. Not a lifestyle I envy.
I’m sorry for the confusion–he’s a Doctor of Music. An Orchestra Conductor.
Meanwhile, I’m a failed artist, a drug addict, an ex-convict. A guitarist without an audience. Old. Nothing.
You know. Just maybe I’ll go through with it. Something about Spring makes it seem…easier.
Oh, well if you became a country singer you’d get more cred than he would 😛
Sorry to hear PW, but I know the feeling…I’m a music lover also, well there’s a lot of things I love about life…but didn’t get a career in any of them.
I was expected to go far when I was a kid since I excelled at academics and athletics…but made some stupid mistakes along the way that messed me up.
To your OP….my brother in-law is well educated like me and about 20 years ago we were both ‘broke.’ I told him about a program that someone else told me about…I was too burnt out to study more after my degree…but he ran with it.
He started off making over $70k and now is making $250k/yr (I believe that’s US), last I heard about him. Ofc he made some smart career moves along the way, but that program got his foot in the door.
So imagine how stupid I feel for not doing the same….even if I wasn’t a corporate climber like him, I would’ve been doing much better than I am today-just scraping by on an average income.
Now that I’m in my 50s it seems utterly pointless to study like a dog and follow a similar path if I can. What’s even worse is that I live in a place that daily wrecks my sleep so I’m tired all the time…this won’t change until I move to a better place. Then I can focus on studying, going to the gym again, and other projects I want to do.
Fk I hate rotten people that ruin your life for no reason…like where I live right now. I’m paying insane rent and not getting adequate sleep.
But ya that job thing, just another huge reason I am suicidal today…I should’ve gone ahead in life like he did…but I’m struggling to just get by right now. What’s even more irksome is that he and my sister were poor and my other sister and I helped them a thousand different ways including giving them money, helping them to move to a better place, etc.
Now that we helped them get out of their mud hole…did they once think of maybe seeing how we’re doing? Maybe help out with a downpayment to get our own home? (it’d be chump change for them)….no, not even a “thanks for being there for us when we were in dire straits.”
It’s because of people like that, ingrates that good people stop being kind/generous to others. Not that I’d ever want to depend on someone else…but when it comes to family you’d think they’d see each other’s hardships and want to help out when things are better…but some people are just selfish and evil. I regret helping them. In fact it was my tip that allowed him to get that well paying job.
They partly owe us for where they are today….but rather than have any sense of gratitude, they look down on us…I had that ‘arrogant’ vibe from him when I first met him…I should’ve trusted my instincts and just avoided him….also I’ve learned the hard way to keep my great ideas to myself.
Still my lack of studying is on me, I had the same chance he did and I missed out…but it’s not too late, there are other ways of still doing well if you know what to do….but I’m just tired of the fight.
If I was in my 30s or 40s still, I’d feel I had time to make a change but now it seems pointless. Anyways I’ll do what I can…the first goal ofc is to find a better place to live in because I can’t make the most basic improvements in life, if I don’t get proper sleep.
HV, ya my friend’s son is an emergency doctor, always on call…makes tons of money…but he works crazy hours. I couldn’t handle it.
I need my solid 7-8 hrs or I’m a mess…sometimes they have to get by on 4 hrs sleep. It’s also dangerous for the patients I think. They should let doc’s have proper sleep to function effectively.