I’m just not feeling it today. I don’t feel like playing guitar, painting, reading, watching Netflix, or even playing video games. Got home from work and I just…don’t feel like doing anything. I’m decent at a number of things but not really “good” at anything. I guess I mention it because I’ve been wondering what the point in any of my hobbies are anymore. It just seems like I’m wasting time
Plainwhite
Plainwhite
I'm a simple, flawed, opinionated person who strives to bring positivity and encouragement to those who suffer. Sometimes I don't succeed, but I'll never fail out of a lack of trying. I suffer from depression, but I also fight for my happiness in this life.
This is a rant about personal things.
It’s seems like I can never talk to my Dad without him bringing up my Mom. They divorced decades ago. My mom has some horrible psychological issues. My Dad blames the divorce on her issues, and blames her issues on my grandfather (her dad) who raped her continuously as a teenager. He says things like, “She got so bad that a psychologist told me to divorce her or else *I’D* go crazy myself”, or, “If it wasn’t for your grandfather, we would’ve never got a divorce.”
While it’s true that my mom has significant issues because of her father, I […]
I wonder if I might be a bad person. They say that if you’re concerned about being a bad person that you’re probably not, but…I push people away, or cause them harm, even though I don’t mean to. There’s been consideration about whether or not I’m a narcissist. I can’t tell one way or the other. For example, I’ll be interacting with someone and they’ll become angry over something I said or did (or didn’t do). And all the while, I have a hard time seeing what it was that caused such reactions. This has happened more times than I care to elaborate on.
I feel […]
I’ve been working a new job now for about 2 weeks. It’s been wearing me out. 2 days in, the guy training me quit, and I never learned everything I was supposed to. Im the only person in my department now, and so by default, im now the cheif engineer, and all the responsibilities fall on me. I’m presented with problems all day long, some of which I’m honestly not sure how to remedy. It’s very stressful. I was laying in bed ready to sleep for the night, but got called in tonight to address an emergency situation. When I got there, the problem was […]
Sorry for posting twice tonight. But not really, otherwise I wouldn’t have done it.
I’m for sure going to kill myself. 100%. Maybe not today or tomorrow. But I already feel as if I’ve had enough of life. I don’t want to wait to get old and sick and whatnot. I work just to come home and get high and/or drunk. I have nothing, am nothing, don’t want to be anything anymore.
I reckon 35 is my limit. That’s 2 years, for me. Maybe sooner though.
That’s how I’m dying though. I’ve decided. That’s how I want it.
My childhood friend just became a doctor. I know I should feel happy for him, but instead I’m just hateful of myself. Because I’m really not shit. Except shit.
I bet 90% of people here won’t ever do it.
BPD with ASPD traits. That’s my diagnosis. Some of you asked. Now you know.
I’m nothing. I’m nobody. I hate them all anyway. I hate what I am. I hate this whole fucking thing. And if I continue, I will keep suffering.
I hate them. I hate them fucking all.
[Keep Scrolling Down, Don’t Respond]
I went to a birthday party today inside of a Masonic Temple for a spooky girl I didn’t know. I didnt even really know the person who took me there. It was pretty much a complete stab in the dark. It was half fun, half terrifying. I couldn’t really talk to anyone until I got drunk.
I have like zero social skills.
And people were fucking in the temple room with the books & spears & thrones and shit. And I felt jealous because I don’t fuck anyone, and really can’t.
Can’t talk. Can’t fuck. Can’t relate. Can’t connect.
I must’ve already died and this […]
So. I went to community mental health. I was given a diagnosis I did not expect.
I feel quite unwell mentally. I’m paranoid of people. Isolating.
When is the right time to check-in to a mental health department? How do you know if your situation is bad enough to even ask?
Oh well