I have a problem. A reocurring problem. I get depressed, and then I lead women on to me so that they give me attention, and then I become obsessed with them, and then I know that I have to detach myself from them, because I’m not looking for a relationship, I just want to ease the pain of my life somehow. And then I end up, not just causing more pain to myself, but hurting someone else too. This time it’s especially bad though. Because this girl is 14 years old. I thought she was older, maybe 17, and I should have stopped leading her on immediately when I found out how old she was. But that was more than three weeks ago. And just now I realised how bad it is. I know that she likes me, and honestly I like her too. But that’s exactly why I have to stop. I don’t know how to take responsibility for this, really. I could have done the right thing, and then neither of us would get hurt, but now it’s too late, and both of us will. And it’s my fault.
Why do I behave like this? When I know what is right, why do I convince myself that it’s actually not that bad? And it’s not like it’s the first time I lead someone on, knowing full well that a relationship is not possible. I don’t know how to be happy. And when I’m unhappy, I try to be happy. And I do things like this. And I fantasize … but it’s not real. It can’t be, even if I want it to be, because she’s too young. And I’m 20 years old. I’m an adult. I should know better. And I don’t want to pity myself either. I’m not sure what I want. Even if I knew, I don’t think it would be good for me. I’m just trying not to self sabotage, and to keep myself stable somehow.
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Oops, initially said a flagged word, even though the context is there, my bad. Anyway:
I suggest you get yourself out of that situation immediately before it gets to a point where you can be incriminated for it. Doesn’t matter how she feels in this case, that’s a huge nope.
It sounds like you feel a lot or remorse about the situation and understand why you have to stop, which means you’re not a creep or anything in that regard.
Honestly, I get where you’re coming from about wanting attention from women. Leading people on when you don’t want a relationship does suck though for everyone involved. I suggest trying to improve some aspects of yourself, and figure out what you really want in a companion in a relationship before putting yourself out there like that. Even if you’re not looking marriage or anything, a relationship with someone you’re compatible with can help immensely.
Hopefully something here helps.
Thank you
Oh yeah, you have to break it off with her, as gently and nicely as possible. 20 and 14 = criminal record.
well, late to the party I know, but yeah romantically the hopes are pretty low. Why did it happen? Could be lots of things. She could be really mature, that happens, but the law doesn’t see that, EVER. You could see something in her else…. again, extra circumstances that the law doesn’t allow for. We’re talking about it for your benefit.
But you’re not ready for a serious relationship. That’s a certain level of emotional….. immaturity I’m sorry there’s not a better word for it. You might have even subconsciously set yourself up.
but look inward. I think that all the above considered there is evidence here that you can be charming and even considerate of others (I know, idealistic me). You aren’t ready now. Do you want to be ready? Do you want to have a relationship? Or do you want to have casual flings with people age appropriate, which is also VERY MUCH an option (done that)?
You should explore in the direction of things that are not only permitted but encouraged. You stumbled into the area of things that are bad ideas. It’s a small subset. There are so many things equally titilating and exciting that are perfectly legal and acceptable in modern society. Do those things, if you want to.
It sounds like you’re going for easy fixes. Instant gratification. Attention from others feels good in the moment, but its ultimately meaningless if you’re just using them as a distraction from your own pain.
It really sounds like you know that what you’re doing is wrong, and you know what you need to do. You have a moral compass in there, you just have to stick to it. If it makes it easier – you’re both pretty young, and although it will be painful, you’ll both likely find something more meaningful in the future. Especially her. People that young often haven’t figured out what they want in a partner, its a period of experimentation. The sooner you set her free, the easier the recovery will be for you both.