Suicide is an addiction. Once you’ve tried it. It is always in the back of your mind. Every day it is another option you can put on a to do list. As if you quit smoking and crave it every day but you just don’t fire one up even if you desire it so much.
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I wanted to let you know I saw you were active, I saw your longer posts and I wanted to respond. Unfortunately kinda riding the whirlwind myself at the moment. I agree with you on this point. Once you’ve thought it, you can’t unthink it. Suicidal ideation sets up a home in your head and never leaves.
I know you’re struggling, and in a few days when I get my own chaotic mind to stop screaming I’m going to have more to say in support. Please still be here when that time comes. I know I have no right to ask, but I’m being straight with you, tonight I have an hour and a half to set myself back up for another day tomorrow
I just…. still think I can hold on. We have to keep trying until we can’t, right? That’s the delusion of function for ya. I’ve crumpled so many times, not this time, not yet. Not over 104 degree days and the nonsense going on right now
I’m just sorry that I didnt make it out on the first attempt. Woke hours later coverd in puke. Next time it will be done. The next time I try, it will happen, as that from my first attempt, I know what I didnt do right. I will get through the next check out line. Self-check-out is now open.
digging the can do attitude, not sure if I agree on your potential success rate, it’s not 50/50 with elimination being that simple, especially anything chemistry related.
momento mori though, you will die eventually