I’m starting to think I can’t keep this up.
I’m finding myself getting more and more angry and agitated as the days go by.
Thinking that after this lease is up, regardless of what happens, I just need to go down my own path. Stop asking for anything and distance myself for a while.
For the sake of making my own way. I feel like I just take and take. I’m sick of taking. Tired of burdening everyone important who tried to help me.
There are so many things I need to do to fix myself and I’m getting nowhere because it’s a lot that I need to do.
My weight, my financial situation, social skills, career. It’s a lot. I feel like I’m still an idiot child who can’t do anything.
It makes me very angry.
I keep thinking I have undiagnosed mental problems, or the deficiencies I had from childhood have caught up to me here and now. I don’t really know which.
I need to do this shit myself, and yet I feel as though I lack the time to really sink in and do it.
I don’t know. I’m already not a good uncle, I can’t be a future father or husband or boyfriend to anyone if I can’t get my shit in order.
I need to just sell everything I own, buckle down and work multiple jobs, downsize even more, and just grind it out, but I don’t know where to begin anymore.
I need to shut things out and just do what needs to be done. But I can’t. I can’t deal with the pressure, societal or otherwise.
6 comments
Ever think those important people who tried to help you did so because they think you’re important too?
I don’t think it’s great to make listicles of all the things in life you have to fix. It’s overwhelming if you lay it all out like that. Just take one thing at a time. nothing wrong with going slowly.
Agreed, I have found if I set one goal at a time, life is ever so slightly less terrible. Baby steps can make life a little more digestible.
I have a hard time focusing sometimes. I can focus on work when it’s the one thing I’m doing. I suck at multitasking honestly.
I just have a need to do this on my own, to accomplish a thing by myself. As an adult, you have to accomplish things without help at some point in your life.
I’ve had more help than the average person and due to the verbal beatdowns I’ve gotten over the years, I just want to do it on my own at this point. I’m not an adult yet because hell, I didn’t even get my new job without help. So I need to get things going on my own for once.
You want to be independent, that’s good. Just take one step at a time. Truthfully, everyone sucks at multitasking. The people who claim to be good at it really just do many things badly simultaneously
That’s a solid amount of determination. I admire it. When you have the courage to take the ownership of your own destiny and enact upon that, then you certainly deserve respect. I hope your goals of solitude can eventually be accomplished.
Maybe make a change, take advantage of the freedom and move somewhere new. Could be a sucky local economy, why stay around all the reminders of what has been?
That’s always my answer though. Yes it could be you partly at fault, but never neglect the possibility that you’re hip deep in a swamp with a bunch of gators around. No one can get much done there.
There are a lot of distractions around, because the stinking swamp needs people I guess. I can’t imagine why anyone wants to live in this swamp, takes twice the energy and twice the willpower to get anything done here than it takes in a place where workers have rights….. there I go again. Trying to fix up a hovel.