Curry, Carlito’s way, Cannabis….

A good joint, good food, and a good movie staves off suicidal thoughts for me, albeit temporarily.  I returned home with a beef curry with onion, fried rice and chips. I had the plate, water, movie, ready to go. I had 2 joints already rolled and awaiting attention. I had already showered and shaved.  I put the chips on the plate first, fried rice on top of chips, beef on top of that and curry sauce last. I sat down and started ‘Carlitos way’. Suicide was off my mind but not gone from my mind. Once Suicidal thoughts get a foothold its a permanent condition unfortunately. She txted me. I cut her off at the pass and said she could drop by 2moro if she wants but I was in for the night. In total I got 5 hours away from suicidal thoughts. However right on cue a sinking feeling of despair raised its vile head the next morning. ‘ Whats the point?’ Somebody once finished their suicide note with, I ask myself that question everyday.