Things have been bad for me lately, mentally speaking. I’ve been majorly depressed, and I love to make myself feel worse when I’m depressed, so I’ve been thinking about her again. I bet she never thinks about me. She probably doesn’t even remember my name anymore.
I see her around a lot this year. I see her with her new friends, living her life completely oblivious to my mere existence. I don’t make posts about her that much anymore because it makes me sound like a whiny virgin (which I am…) but in truth, I think about her every day. I wish I could just let go of her and let her just be a bad memory.
I haven’t spoken to her face-to-face since I was in my freshman year, I graduate in 8 months and I still feel the same as I did when I was 14. I guess the thing that I want is closure, but I know I’m not going to get it, and honestly I don’t deserve it. She was just a stupid 14 year old, she probably didn’t think that dropping me as a friend would crush my spirit, most people wouldn’t.
But aside from closure, I just want her to be in my life again. I miss her. I miss her so much and I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t get rid of these feelings because I don’t even know how I can begin confronting them. I feel so immature and stupid for feeling this way about a girl that hasn’t been in my life for almost 4 years.
1 comment
I guess this is the blind leading the blind kind of situation, but from my experience the sensation dulls. It hurts right now because she is right there, but once you guys graduate and part ways, you’ll start to heal a bit. You’ll still think about her from time to time, but you won’t really feel anything when you do. Maybe pain remembering how painful it felt, but not pain from thinking about her. At least that was my experience. Don’t do what I did. Make an effort to move on. It took me the first half of my 20’s and I’m about 85% sure I got over her. You’re just a kid. You have time.