I didn’t have the courage to be myself or love myself. I failed my attempt and messed myself up bad. For the rest of my life, I’m on oxygen. And eyes that used to wander elsewhere now stare at me wondering. Why am I so ashamed of myself? I would’ve been happier just allowing myself to like men and love men and be gay.
I fucked up my life.
I sort of want to try going to Oregon. I want to seek an assistance.
But I do want to say, as a word of caution: you might think you’re in hell, and maybe so. But there are lower levels of hell. I thought I had it bad. And all I had to do was divorce my wife and love a man instead. Now, I can hardly breathe, or hardly talk. And it’s all because I hated myself. I couldve had a happy life.
Don’t be like me. Don’t fall deeper into hell. This message alone is what makes my existence meaningful. The thought that maybe I can save someone else from this sort of torment.
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I’m, beyond chuffed. In the smallest way, this helped. I’m trying to make a break for it, live the life I want to live instead of just putting up with a life I hate. and like you said, lower levels of hell, I know there are deeper ones. I’ve been in some of them, but there are some deeper still that I have no interest in exploring.
Also for you; this is growth. I don’t even care if you ever see the growth, the growth is there, objective fact. I hate that it came at the cost it did. All the stories I read and hear these days are tragedy, it’s why I’m so sad right now.
I saw the earlier edit of this post though, and I like this one better. It’s more like what I’d prefer to write, I’m losing my knack I fear. Maybe it’s just a fear, lots of just fears around my neighborhood.
The question, if I may be so personal, is what now? Do you continue where this post used to point, or do you continue to try and ascend out of hell like I am? I don’t have a preference, despite how my language and attitude may seem to suggest, your feelings and preferences are entirely supported from this quarter.
It’s a difficult slog in either direction, so you must be determined before you set off. Else, sit still, and wonder that life is so determined. A few more weeks and I’ll end up sitting still again, which wouldn’t be awful. The march might have to stop. That doesn’t mean retreat.
Purgetory; how did we get here, and which way is out?
eh, nevermind the uplifting bit, nicotine juiced the brain. Oregon sounds like a plan. Oreg Oh No! I’m just silly, you find your way to it.
Well. I suppose I try to climb. As much as I’m able to.
Honestly LGBTQ rights and people are probably the most accepted they’ve ever been.
As a straight man, I know how a lot of media overdoes the butch lesbian and feminine man, despite the reality of it being nothing like that.
At the end of the day you should be happy with yourself. As long as you aren’t forcing your lifestyle on me, cool (I don’t mean you, I mean collective you).
I’m not sure how comfortable you’d be about it, but you could put yourself out there maybe..