I don’t want to be this anymore. I’m pointlessly miserable. And I don’t know how to stop. I’ve made myself so fucking alone & isolated. I can’t relate to other people anymore. Not really.
I just want to stop. I’m so sick of myself. These thoughts, these feelings. I hate myself. I hate the world. I hate everyone. I hate reality. And that’s fucking pointless. To make yourself miserable over things you can’t change. But I can’t stop.
This life is for nothing. All it does is delay the inevitable. Delaying the leap into the void. On the off-chance that there’s something beyond death, and maybe it’s worse.
This isn’t a reality I can take. I need some fucking way out of this. I need something to shake up my brain enough that I don’t see things this way anymore. I’ve been putting off psychedelics, because I’m scared. I’m scared of a bad trip. I’m scared what my psyche will do to me if I give it the opportunity. I’m scared of time stretching so it feels like an age. I’m scared of hell.
Fear is my defining experience.
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“I just want to stop. I’m so sick of myself. These thoughts, these feelings. I hate myself. I hate the world. I hate everyone. I hate reality. And that’s fucking pointless. To make yourself miserable over things you can’t change. But I can’t stop.”
–Same here. Exactly the same. What do we do with ourselves? We aren’t living, nor offing ourselves. I’ve made myself even more isolated and alone than you. You at least talk to a few ppl. Me? I’ve given up trying to talk to others. Just leaves me with more disappointment.
Why do you want to do psychedelics? I hear depressed ppl are more likely to have bad trips. So…if you’re already like this, I’m not sure ppl like us take it. I hear they make ppl even MORE introspective than we already are. The only psychedelic that I would even consider would be psilocybin. But yeah, I wouldn’t want a bad trip, especially since we can’t control when we get out of it.
Why do you want to do psychedelics? I hear depressed ppl are more likely to have bad trips. So…if you’re already like this, I’m not sure ppl like us take it. I hear they make ppl even MORE introspective than we already are. The only psychedelic that I would even consider would be psilocybin. But yeah, I wouldn’t want a bad trip, especially since we can’t control when we get out of it.
missing a word- should be – I’m not sure ppl like us should take it.
Have you done any smaller trips? What were the results? I’ve used drugs with psychadelic elements, but never the hard stuff on that score. I could 100% get to it if I wanted it.
Also, where do you stand with your anxiety? Have you ever been assessed for it? Dominated by fear is one of those triggers that makes clinicians check for PTSD and anxiety, or it’s supposed to. Again why I’m recommending shorter trips, because if you have anxiety for example that’s less of a risk, it’s easier.
This is another me being an inhuman monster, my attitude towards fear isn’t healthy, it’s masochistic, I put myself into situations that wind me up just to figure my way out. OR SOMETHING, the cause is unclear, but I don’t seem to know how to avoid for fear. And then it gets me into trouble, because my estimation of my limitations is inaccurate.
Let me tell you that, unless you ride your kidneys and liver regular, they will not produce reliable results. IE drinking, getting high, etc. Then of course if you do, it shortens your life, or so they keep telling me.
Getting high with someone else around seems to help, being alone is the biggest predictor of bad trips, and the entire premise of therapeudic psychadelics is that you have someone sober listening to you and affirming you as needed.