I read EternalDarkness’s recent post and i too hate this piece of shit world. I have recently been working on my traumas. Theres just too much to bear. Before i kinda ruined my life and other people ruined my life. Lets start from the beginning. Did you know the first trauma’s of somebody’s life starts as kid and your needs were neglected. If you know what im saying you know your first experiences. Mine, was my piece of shit mother leaving me in the backseat, forgot about me and looked the car. I was balling out my eyes because how the f**k do you leave your 4 year old child there and forgot them. That sense of helplessness stains pains me and im aboit to turn 27. Now fast forward until i was 10. Was the major trauma in my life. Still makes me cry to this day. My mother put me in a terrible car accident on purpose.
The beginning of that story she was either horribly mentally ill or on the drugs, which i may know, but my senses tell me both. Well we where at her friend’s house and the crazy btch started throwing glass ornaments across the room like the sh*t you would find at a goodwill or thrift store. Her friend told her to go, you got to leave. I begged her friend Becky please dont make me go with her. Please. She forced me to go. By that time as a kid, i already sensed the danger. I was in fear of my life and rightfully so. Well i was in the passenger seat, and my mom had a psychotic episode while she was driving on the highway. This is how i lived a nightmare. She was saying crazy absurd things , like her dead parents were going to comeback to life. How the “blood will never stop and everything will turn gold when the clock strikes 12” She pushed the petal to the metal and we drive atleast 70 miles an hour into the car into the car in front us. We banged that car. Now mind you, i just saved my life because i clicked my seat belt before that happened or i could of easily went through the windshield and died. Well, she goes left of center, we fly into a ditch by a railroad. The car is smoking and totaled by this point. I wore sandals that day and i wont forget a big piece of glass in my foot. The nightmare was far from over. My mom openly threatened my life. She broke a piece of the mirror thats between your windshield. She held it in her over the middle console like she was rrady to stab me. The fear i felt is undescribable. I ran to the backseat and opened the door. Ran to the railroad tracks balling my eyes out. She just spared my life she endangered and threatened. The police show up. I lied for her to say its wasnt on purpose for money and games. A foolish stupid kid i was. But i loved my mother even if she did that to me. If i have any sense what my life would later become. I would of told the truth that day. Thats some of the hell i been through. Oh btw, the car she hit told the cops she hit that car so hard, the back seats touched the front. I thought she was going to finish the job killing me when she got to the hospital. Now you may think why didnt i tell the truth and act accordingly to what i believe might happen. Because i loved my mother and i was scared of foster care because those kids do get adopted by pedos. I didnt want to take that risk of being in a worse family. I had a phobia of being in cars for awhile after that, specially going over 25 mph scared the daylights out of me. It taken me awhile to to get over that phobia. Now im mostly over those feelings. But what i experienced that was a true hellish nightmare that i managed to save myself in. I think the seatbelt saved my life. I dont want to know what im happened if i wasnt wearing it.
Now EternalDarkness, im also sick of this shitty world with shitting parents. I was kinda destined for a shit life. But i atleast i can share my stories and say, i bought borrowed time here. Even if it is a shitty life. I bought time with my survival skills and i dont take that for granted. Living is for the strong. You cant be weak. Even when you lose in life, dont be weak. Make it a strong corageous battle, with all your might and strength. I say this as a survivor who has been throughout hell and made even worse decisions because how broken it made be. Theres pros and cons of being a survivor. You are like mentally strong but also weak, because what enegry and focus could of being used for building a life, was for survival not growth. You only bought time in this world. But i didnt by any means, get to have a normal life. And thats just some stories. I been through hell. To hell, more hell and by the grace of God still here. But i think God has a f**ked up sense of humor because he knows i rather die than go through all that. But i managed to survive. Just wanted to share a story why i hate this world, betrayed by the people who suppose to love you unconditionally. She did more bad sh*t of course. Shes a terrible human being. And wonders why i dont want to see her. Btch you almost killed me on purpose. Fk you to the grave. Thanks EternalDarkness for inspiring my hate for this world. It is a shit show. Have a good day now.
2 comments
“Theres pros and cons of being a survivor. You are like mentally strong but also weak, because what enegry and focus could of being used for building a life, was for survival not growth. ”
Idk about any “pros” about being a survicor but the cons for sure are there. And yes, all that energy used to survive could have been used for planting seeds for a happy life. Fuck, I’m still in “survival” mode now bc I don’t have a stable place to live rn.
Those who have childhood traumas or grew up in shit environments- basically have a giant rock tied to our legs, and we’re put in a big race with everyone, and we are expected to run the race and win. And ofc we can’t, not with rocks tied to our ankles. But we are expected to run and finish the race with everyone else. And we are yelled at for obviously not being able to. Like why can’t you be….[insert any normal middle life achievement].