I have had such a f**ked up life my counselor has called off on the last two sessions on the past month. Like, i can’t be that f**ked up. Its funny and depressing at the same time. Like btch, yes i’m a broken person or atleast damaged.
Ready for some fk’ed up news? i get treated better in jail than the real world. Last year thanksgiving was lit, everybody made like a pie and treated other like family. Something, I never really had in this world.
My mother rather do drugs than cook. And Dad was usually broke because he had a gambling problem with a minimum wage job.
He was such a trash human being he stole my birthday cake on birthday when i was 5 or 6. Mom chased him to other another town trying to get it back. . That a$$hole ruined my birthday. I guess he wanted to return the cake for money or he was mad my mom didnt make him food. Just little things like that, like no wonder why im fk’ed up.
I got alot of stories of trauma. Ask me questions as long as they are respectful, i’ll answer.
4 comments
Holy cow that sucks. I am sorry your parents were so disappointing. Which pie was your favorite last thanksgiving? Hopefully the upcoming holidays will be better.
I had a canceled session last week, but before I passed it I did a walk in with whoever (turned out to be a nice lady who was really worried about me), then my therapist found time earlier in the week. I kind of stopped chasing the therapist, and that’s what I recommend. You’re going for your progress, if they don’t respect the process they aren’t exactly useful.
I’m not shocked that jail is better than the real world, treatment wise, at least for some. I mean, I’ve been in state mental hospital, lots of the same people as jail in there. I work with inmates, usually returning to the world is difficult. Real world no one checks up on you, and the expectations are unrealistic.
Was it short term county jail? State prison? Federal prison? It makes a difference I’m told. When you say treatment was better, by whom? Other inmates? Guards? People from the outside? All of the above?
I’m sorry your parents just added to problems, are they still alive? watching them decay might be a thrill. I know watching mine decay is a thrill, but mine aren’t that level.
What’s going on though? I don’t have a masters degree but I spend all day talking to people who’s lives have gone to shit. What makes it better? Is there something specific bothering you, a problem that you need help solving?
Thanks for opening up though. That’s work to do, and I think your therapist is an idiot and shame to the profession not to give you space for that.
Which is why I really think we need reform, but that’s a different soapbox. For now, people willing to do the work is plenty enough for me. That applies to people going to appointments too.
One of the inmates made like a peanut butter chocolate pie. I was locked up. It’s was so good, just reminded me I never been treated with that type of hospitality before. Like it brought him joy sharing food. This was two years ago already.
I was locked up short term. But might get a bigger sentence this time around. I kinda have emotional problems because of my trauma. Like you know your breaking points. Society is suppose to help you get better atleast mentally. That’s what counseling is for. But the sad truth, we have to manage our own problems, don’t expect the government or society to figure your problems out for you. It’s depressing watching them get old. It’s like a reminder, life is always fleeing. I have love for my dad still, but he ain’t right in the head. My mother on the other hand, she is like a complete devil, allowed me abused alot as a child. I don’t what worse to be honest, the neglect or abuse. She was too selfish to have kids. She abandoned my little sister before CPS taken her. She went on a drug rage or psychotic episode and crashed her car. Then was nowhere to be found. I just want to put my story out there. It’s like one of those fk’ed up psychological horrors, where everything slowly gets worse. Yeah, the trauma destroyed my mental health in a way. That’s why I’m on this website.
I hear you though, this world needs reform. One of the deepest questions I ever asked someone is , why do people choose to hate than to love? Because it’s easier. Hate and not caring is easier than love. Could be human nature as well. Some of most powerful wisdom I heard about criminals. Even tho they fk’ed up and broke the law. Even the most hardened criminals, still want to be loved. It changed my mind about people in general because love is universal.
Well for my problem sake, it’s mostly health problems and I eventually have to do time again. Which adds the fear of the unknown in my life. So, my life hangs in a void. Could be saved. But regardless of what happens, it is a hard life. I hate blaming my childhood for who I am but it’s my truth. It fk’ed me up so much emotionally I had triggers. Like mentally unstable. The betrayal of the people that are suppose to love you is one of the worse pains I have felt. It kinda makes you wish you were dead. But im still here and I fight those urges alot. Not wanting to die, is a fight for me because I been through things that made me feel that way. I’ll quit rambling but thanks foe your commentary. It’s nice to know people do care.