Uneasy

“Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown” wrote Shakespeare. Equally uneasy lies the head of he who has not paid a motorway toll. It had been on my mind for some time all thanks to a fucking horror story that did the rounds in May, the story went a guy received a 50 grand fine over an unpaid toll that had been accumulating for some time. My understanding was the toll has to be paid by 8pm the following evening and if not the toll doubles every day thereafter. The government acting in concert with the private company that runs the toll would be too sneaky to alert you by E-mail, registered letter or solicitor’s letter. In my mind the story made perfect fucking sense. The anxiety over what I owed was haunting me day and night. This was my ‘sweet sleeps disturber’. You won’t get out of paying a fine. I could not being myself to call the toll and find out what I owed. I tackled the problem the way I always tackle problems namely by ignoring it until it becomes critical. Last night things came to a head. I sat down circa 9pm with a cup of tea, confectionery and a joint containing weed on the stronger end of the cannabis spectrum. Every man will defend his favourite poison to his dying day but I will be the first to admit that weed, particularly strong weed is no friend of the anxiety -ridden. I smoke the joint greedily right down to the roach. A fucking tidal wave of anxiety engulfed me about that toll. I was now convinced I owed 50 grand like the story. I resolved to call the toll in the morning and face the truth. The morning just like trouble came quickly. I called the toll ” hello, good morning, how are you, I want to check my bal”  I said. Before I could finish the voice on the other end cut across me asking what my account number was. ” I don’t know or remember if I have an account, here is my reg” I said calling out the registration number. ” What can I do?” asked the voice on the other end “what is my current balance?” I asked. ” wait a minute” said the voice, there was a pregnant pause that seemed to last an eternity, “Zero” said the voice. I was still not out of the woods, the outstanding balance was my sweet sleeps disturber. ” What is the outstanding balance?” I asked. ” Wait a minute” said the voice, 10 seconds seemed like 10 hours, “Zero” said the voice. ” That’s fucking great, thanks, you’re very good at your job” I said and hung up the phone.