I’m starting to think I screwed myself in the long term back then.
Had someone who loved and cared for me deeply, that I broke it off with because they’re so far away (LDR) and I didn’t want them to be stuck with me as their only option. They’re happier now, with someone else. We still talk, but not nearly as much as before, which really sucks. I care for them deeply, and that won’t change, but I’ve noticed the change since then. We have a deep connection, even now, but I know she’s happy with this other person anyway so I’ll be a good friend to her as well.
I’m not stupid, I don’t expect things to be like back then, but I figured we’d still talk somewhat frequently like before. Nope. I’m not mad or anything, just find it funny because I don’t know if I can even figure it out with someone else like I did with her for a while.
I met someone when I went home recently during a family thing. She’s nice, but way older than me (like cougar territory). I’m very much being extremely casual in this regard, and we just talk a lot about normal stuff. I can’t say I see this going where I thought it would, and I made my intentions clear from the jump, but I already can tell it won’t be anything crazy, although I’m starting to wonder what she really wants from me at this point. I think I’m just trying to boost my confidence when it comes to women in general.
I’ll be nice of course. I’d like to keep this person on friendly terms at the very least, so I may back out a little bit. We have silly pet names, and rarely flirt, but I don’t think I’d be getting any anyway… idk why I thought maybe I could.
I’m starting to think I really don’t feel compatible with much of anyone at this point. I’m still… inexperienced, which doesn’t help all that much. Genuine attention from any girl seems to help me feel some level of confidence, so idk.
Maybe I need to look outside the US for a partner anyway, who knows. I don’t like what dating in the US has become anyway. Granted I’m very insular and introverted as is, so it’s not like I can just put myself out there. I’ve tried, friends have tried, I’m not interested in the dating apps and all that crap.
I’ve heard too many stories from friends and others, seen too many unappealing people personality wise.
Not sure what I can even do now.
I’m not that old at this point, but my youth is almost behind me. I believe 5 years younger to 5 years older is my absolute limit (I see no reason to really bother with anything way above or below that range).
I don’t even understand the pressure to have sex so early in life as well. I never liked people bragging about how many men or women they’ve slept with anyway. Never understood people that have more than 3 kids, that aren’t with I’d say 2 or less people (I’m talking modern day, parents/grandparents generations were a lot different).
Not like I’d really be all that desirable in the grand scheme of things. Maybe that’s why I’m so jaded lately.
2 comments
You get points in my book. Most people are too petty or immature to break off a LDR if they think it’s not beneficial for the other person. You said she seems happy now, so that’s pretty good.
I understand the fear of having screwed up a long time ago. Got zero experience myself. For the longest time I tried being with someone who wasn’t interested and already far away, emotionally and physically. Haven’t really tried in any regard since her. Been years since I started my foolish endeavor and years since I stopped.
Hope you manage to find someone. People manage to spring up in the strangest places. Hope you can talk to your friend more too.
Get a dog, particularly a herding breed, that seems to work.
It’s the counter intuitive thing, but giving up works; So my first marriage went bust, I was an immature asshole, she was a cheating harpy. I went to the support groups and found out that most people fresh out of a divorce bounce back into a second marriage that then fails….. and I didn’t want THAT.
So I just had a lot of sex. It didn’t hurt that I had a car and a house, two useful assets. I wasn’t particularly choosy either. I met a woman I’m still friends with, and who I still care about, but it will never work with. I spent about two or three years being a poor man’s Charlie Sheen, because I never really partied in my teen years.
At the end of it my stomach and genitals couldn’t take it anymore. This was self abuse on a scale I will never manage again. I met an older woman who I really wanted to make it work with, and I completely screwed it up because I wasn’t emotionally equipped to have that relationship.
After that, I was content to have companionship, so that’s what I looked for. I gave up on romance and sex. Which is when I met my wife, and a few other women started courting me. It was the most attractive I remember being in my life. Being un-needy is attractive to the type of women that I find attractive.
Eleven years later, we’re still together, and we’ll probably be together until one of us dies. It was just so accidental, I didn’t plan this, it was something that happened to me and I decided to see where it went.
If this is something you want, put in the work, then after doing that for a few years, retreat and let that work stand alone. It’s also okay if it isn’t something you want, you can live a full life without it.
Healthy relationships are work, but they have to be equal work from both sides. If you find yourself doing it all, that’s not a healthy relationship.