it’s over, destiny calling

not sure I believe, not sure it matters. Thursday afternoon my boss and her boss pulled me into an office and gave me my walking papers, I was shaking. I asked why a couple times and they couldn’t give me a reason. Seriously, it was just that I was still on probation, and they don’t have to give me a reason. It wasn’t disciplinary. Sign here, hand in your equipment, this had never happened to me like this.

Past two days I’ve been trying to live in this reality. I’m not suicidal about it, at all. Not even that mad. Other people are more mad than I am.

I’m thinking it’s time to get out of this place, and so is my wife, and this is just the powers giving us permission. I’m the music man in our house, I beat the tune of where this house is going, and past six months it’s been survival. Now it’s looking around, talking, interrogating. The road has never looked this free of obstacles, that’s something.

It’s interesting being unfettered again. Uniformed, on the job and having a role I was something, and having that meant I shelved parts of myself. Now though, that part of me is shelved, and all the other parts of me are active. I go through periods where I feel like crying though, those aren’t nice at all.

It’s a dirty rotten thing to do, laying someone off two weeks before Thanksgiving. It’s an awful thing to do, laying someone off after giving them a positive performance review. It’s not the way you treat employees if you want to keep them. However, no one has EVER accused this agency of behaving in a way as if they liked their employees or clients. The day I left I found out they were being sued for abuse, AGAIN.

That’s probably why they couldn’t afford to keep me, having to pay off lawsuits.  What a shame such things can’t be prevented. As I said, it doesn’t matter if I believe in fate, it’s baked into the way this thing operates. This is a state and agency unwilling towards change, the election proved it. Sometimes the only thing good people can do is get out. That’s what I’m doing.