I have to learn to shut my fucking mouth. 2 days. Maybe a little over 48 hours. I said that I felt “genuinely happy” for the first time in a long time. Well that lasted around a day and a half maybe. Stupid miserable piece of shit robot refuses to fucking work. Like it’s doing it out of spite. It works. It works for one test. I do absolutely nothing to it beyond maybe moving it around a little, gone. Won’t fucking move. In the most hilarious way, God manages to fuck me again. This can’t be for nothing. I’m stuck in this freezing hellhole that is MA so I can get my stupid fucking robot tested. If I can’t get my tests done by the end of the month, it would all be fucking pointless. Looking at it objectively, maybe it was the ADHD meds scrambling my brain a bit. Fucking wonderful.
My birthday is Wednesday. I feel absolutely nothing. Just going to be working anyways. Probably get nothing done. End of the day I’ll get myself a thing of Jack Daniels and the 5 remaining beers I have and just try to get blackout drunk. Saved only for special occasions like this. Haven’t been able to really push myself like that one time this past summer. For some reason beer and whiskey have started to taste more bitter to me. Maybe my brain is subconsciously trying to pull me back away from that cliff. Even it knows that’s a bad idea. Just going to have to push through. No matter have much it all tastes like rancid piss.
Out of everything I’m missing, my brother’s birthday probably stings the most. Ever since he was born, I was there for his birthday. Every year. He’s turning 17. It was bound to happen sooner than later. I don’t even live in the same state anymore. Besides he’s got loads of friends to keep him company. That’s the one and only thing I’m grateful to God for. That he’s nothing like me. If he could keep that one promise, then God can torture me all he fucking wants. Honestly I want him to. Just to prove what a miserable prick he is.
Bit of a new one, but been listening to this one again. Liked this song for the longest time.