Anyone else find themselves having contradictions within themselves?
My brain forces me to follow my old ways with things, because it follows patterns. For example ever since I was a child, I was quiet and introverted probably from some trauma or illness, who knows. And here I am still quite and unable to open up in real life. Yet my heart tells me that it’s wrong and I should better myself. I.e. socialise more. I do also think that family pressure is affecting this though, because they always compare me to others and expect me to do certain things like go out to parties and what not. Even though I don’t want to.
I was thinking it was some buried trauma that I am still carrying that I am not aware of. So I started doing physical exercises for my brain to calm the stress and also to improve my body so I could be more confident in public. Yet I still have some barrier up subconsciously, trying to make every excuse and even lie just so I can get out of a social interaction. Whenever I see couples and groups in public, my heart just sinks honestly and sometimes I can’t help myself and get emotional and embarrassed, because I don’t see myself ever lowering my guard.
My brain and heart are at opposite ends when it comes to harmony, which also makes my decision making hard when put on the spot. When it comes down to it, I just give in and let the other person want what they want even if I don’t want to do that activity.
2 comments
Social interaction is a bit paradoxical and counterintuitive, in that the more you care about what other people think of you, the less effective you will be at socializing. Therefore, we have to train ourselves to let go of what others may think of us and allow ourselves to be vulnerable & authentic. We have to come to a place where we are Okay with the idea that people won’t like us sometimes. To not try to make people like us, but to function as we would alone and allow people to like us on our own time.
So the place to begin at is in knowing who are are when you’re by yourself. Who are you? Who do you want to be? Make a conscious decision about these things, and stick to them with conviction for a while.
I’ve been thinking about these things and working on these things myself, so it’s all fresh in my mind.
Hope it helps!
Thank you, it does make sense honestly. I think I purposefully hide myself because I don’t have anything to show to people and it is embarrassing, but maybe when I’ll find my spark things will change.