For all my ability to shake off chemical dependency, there’s one thing I’m still stuck on; this blasted machine.
A few minutes ago it did that thing that it does every now and then, click goes a fuse. I don’t understand why on a perfectly sunny day, almost no wind.
What it means though is that I have to reboot. It’s almost the only reason I ever have to. Which means I have to close everything… and it’s just irritating and it highlights how dependent and attached I am to this whole machine I am. I’m watching my afternoon show, so that has to shift.
I did notice one upshot and that is my memory seems to be cascading correctly, it wasn’t before. I splurged on fancy lighting in this build which I never did before and I probably will never do again, and my memory has this rainfall pattern that it does constantly, very pretty, very calming.
I also found out recently that I’m somewhat of a dinosaur for even having a desktop, most people do their computing on their phones….. that’s crazy to me. You can’t do 80% of what I do on anything other than a desktop, for heat reasons alone. I’ve considered building a computing cluster just to really up my unnecessary computing power…. but of course that’s out of budget.
It just feels like as time goes on I’ll grow more dependent on this thing, not less. There’s no support group for this. sometimes when it goes down I feel like I can’t breath.
1 comment
Something that helped me was getting a 2nd computer and putting it in a different room far away from the 1st. It wasn’t intentional but it broke my routine of planting myself in the same spot and doing all the rituals that establish a pattern/addiction. One computer is for work and the other is for emails, games, mindless browsing, etc and the point is they’re in different rooms.
Somehow that disrupted the addiction and now I spend more time doing completely different things in my spare time like reading or watching movies. Has it improved my life? Nope. But I do feel a bit less pigeonholed.
I totally agree that desktops do things I can’t do, or find very annoying to do, on a phone. And I despise apps with a passion. But for me I suppose the phone is my addiction. I’m not on it all the time but if I don’t have it on me I start feeling panicky as if I lost my wallet or something. It’s crazy how much we’ve become slaves to our own machines.