Had a bit of a mental trip about 2 days ago.
I didn’t sleep much or well the past 2 or 3 days before than, and then passed out and woke up a whole half hour after my shift.
Texted my boss and apologized about being late, and luckily am able to do remote work, so I sat there for a minute, hands on my head, eyes bugged out, fucking losing it.
I got through the day, and I think I finally did get some sleep yesterday, so I was early to work today. That being said, all these thoughts swirling around, and no matter what I watch or do or say, I feel like I may be slowly losing my mind.
I’m wondering about what my sexuality is. I am very much straight and like women, the thing is I’m just not about to screw any woman I see or anything. I’ve had self esteem issues for the longest time, and there is only 1 person I would even consider doing that with, and I can’t anyway.
I’m still overweight as hell and incredibly broke on top of that. I am trying to better my situation, but it’s a slow process atm.
I’d been thinking about DID (dissociative identity disorder) lately. I guess a lot of heroes and villians like Two-Face from DC and Legion from Marvel have multiple personalities that clash with one other. I feel for normal people that deal with that type of thing. The breaking apart of one’s pysche with things like that is just sad to see.
I bring it up, because I hear voices sometimes. It’s not malicious or anything, it’s familar voices actually, like parents or siblings. It’s a side effect of my condition. Auditory hallucinations are what they’re called. I’ve never mentioned it because I’ve always had them and thought it was somewhat nornal, I’ve just really noticed them in the last year or so I’d say.
I’m trying to get myself checked to see if I’m autistic. Would explain a lot if I was to get an official diagnosis, maybe I wouldn’t feel so crazy if I was I guess.
I try to make this coherent, but it always tumbles off into random thoughts. I’m just hoping I can figure this stuff out.