It’s so ridiculous. I can be honest here because it doesn’t matter. I don’t even masturbate to porn I just look at it and then I cum without touching myself. It’s embarrassing.
When people reject me and judge me and hate me it makes me sexually aroused. When I’m humiliated… when I’m looked down upon. I don’t understand why it happens, but I know that it does.
So that’s that. Now that’s off of my chest. I didn’t even watch porn this time. I just read a text. And that was enough. Silly me. It would have been easy for me not to engage and just go to bed, but I chose not to.
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It’s not that bad. Lots of people are like that and they live their lives just fine. Just so long as you don’t develop an addiction, then you’re ok.
Oh my sweet summer child, I’ve orgasmed to things so much sicker than that. I don’t know the content limits here, and I’m not sure I want to test them. It’s nothing illegal, thank whatever higher power you choose. I just can’t judge almost anyone.
I mean I’ve cross dressed. I’ve read some of the grossest fan fiction there is. There’s a wide array of porn on my computer, not just videos but stories that would turn even Vladimir Nabokov writer of Lolita a little green. You have no idea how creative people can get when it comes to talking about the penis.
Then there are the people I’ve slept with, I’m not proud of it, but it happened during a time of life I was still figuring shit out. Drugs and partying, I played around and lived a wild life. My wife and I have kind of agreed that’s probably what would probably happen to me again, less dangerously, if she passed before me.
Yes, this wonderful woman loves me even knowing all my perversions. Most men are perverts, it’s how we’re wired. The thing is to not act on those perversions in ways that get you into trouble, which I’ve been lucky in that respect. No kids with any of my flings during my wild years.
Sex education really needs to be done better. I learned by being an immense pervert, but that’s not really the best way is it? If it weren’t for college and an enlightened social group I’d probably still be gripped by shame and guilt like many men.
Lots of people have kinks like that. Granted, it’s not something you’d really want to share in public. Those two things, are really tame in comparison to the insane shit I’ve heard of/seen.
It’s good to understand that they are just kinks, though. That they don’t translate in real life, and for the tiniest amount that are possible to do irl, you’d have to really be aware of who you’re doing it with. It’s something you’d have to find the right person to do it with, and that aint easy.
All in all, I keep that stuff completely seperate from anything rooted in reality, because it’s not compatible with it or any person that I normally interact with.