I had my second session today and it was the most awkward 30 minutes I’ve experienced in my life. Most of the time was wasted on her saying Dhar Mann-esque proverbs. Every time she said one, she would do a long pause and stare at me, waiting for me to say something. I didn’t know how to respond so I just stared back at her until she moved on. Whenever I did get a chance to talk about how I’m feeling, she gave me generic answers that I could’ve found on Google. I told her that I’m suicidal and she gave me the number to the Suicide Hotline that’s failed me every time I’ve tried them. I told her that I feel anxious all the time and she told me to try breathing exercises. I told her I think I might be depressed and she told me to try “positive coping strategies”. At the end of the session she told me that when I find a place where I can express my thoughts freely, I should utilize it more. I’m still not sure what she meant by that.
It’s “free” (covered by my tuition) and I don’t have any other options, but I genuinely feel worse after this. I understand that therapy is supposed to be hard and awkward in the beginning but I really think I’m wasting my time. I feel like everything in my life is telling me that I should just give up and kill myself already.
4 comments
I’ve had mixed luck with counseling services provided by schools I have attended. A couple of times I would meet thes ground breaking therapists and it would feel like we were making huge strides, and then they would have to move on, unavoidably.
What you just ran into is a large amount of therapists, barely competent rubes, to be kind to rubes. I’m sure they help someone, at some point, but obviously it doesn’t help with your situation, I’ve been in that boat.
You also get therapists in the middle, you can’t tell if they’re doing great work. I’ve got one now, I think she’s probably pretty good, but I’m not sure if we’re making great progress or not, I haven’t been making any emotional breakthroughs, but you can’t ask for a lot in late decades of therapy.
I’m sure it’s hard to be someone’s several dozenth therapist. Like being a plumber on a 300 year old house I imagine. Anyway the first one is supposed to be getting you engaged in treatment, starting to understand your diagnosis and laying the groundwork, which it sounds like your person flopped at.
If they’re under supervision, they should be, they’ll be getting correction on this. If you go back and talk to them about it, you might get better results. I’d go for brutal honesty, short of what will get you put into involuntary confinement in a hospital.
I’ve walked into my therapist office and laid it out about my suicidal feelings on more than one occasion, because I know perfectly well what I have to say to get out of that office without going to the hospital. You have to say you’ll be safe, that’s it. You say you won’t hurt yourself, they can’t confine you.
Sometimes you have to be really firm about it, keep pushing, but at least at the agency I go to they respect my right to talk about my suicidal feelings. I’d rather talk about it, get it out, then let it cook and kill me. Turns out they feel the same.
There might also be campus health services to provide support with medication, I don’t know if you’ve looked into that.
Therapy is a rough thing to get right. It really depends on how well you connect with your therapist, as corny as that sounds. My last therapist was really great and I told him a lot of my thoughts I tell on here, but I had to get a different one when I moved. I’ve had the same experience you’re having with my current one. This therapist just might not be for you. If they have another counselor that you can see instead, maybe try that. Sorry it sucked.
Can you switch to a different therapist at the school?
It’s incredibly difficult to find a good therapist, mainly bc so many are just crap. That’s not to say there aren’t ANY, but there’s few of them.
When I was in college, some counselor told me to drop out of school for a year to “find myself.” That’s the worst friggin advice ever. Good for me that I didn’t take that crap advice. Maybe it works for someone with good parents that have a place and money to just “find yourself” but I didn’t have the luxury.
When I was in college, they had sh*t counselors and therapists. One of the therapists was my friends therapist and he was basically a “ped0phile”- he slept with my college friend as SOON as she turned 18- like what kind of therapist does that?
I’m in the same boat as you now. I currently have a therapist and 1- I don’t like him 2- but he technically doesn’t cost me anything. and 3- it’s hard as fck trying to find a GOOD one. 4- and yes, like you, I feel WORSE after talking to him. I’ve thought about quitting a million times, but I have no other therapist, and most therapists even crappy ones, cost $$.
Anyway, it’s hard as hell finding a good therapist, but know that it’s not just you. Many people have told me the same thing, and many have given up trying to find a good one. I’ve certainly have had a TON of horrible ones.
But hey- I don’t have a solution. It sounds like you either have to be creative to find a free or very low cost therapist, or stick with this one that isn’t good. And yes, 99% of therapists I’ve had ALL had the same script they say, which is why I feel it’s almost pointless seeing a therapist.
The first ones I turned to when I was suicidal were unhelpful as well. They tried to box me into this false narrative that my mental health problems were somehow caused by academics issues, even though I had no problems academically. They would always circle back to my issues as if I was the problem. Never wanted to discuss what was really bothering me, such as the bullying I had to endure, how my parents refused to take me to the dentist and let my tooth slowly rot for 9 months, used me to defraud the immigration services or tried to get me into other fradulent activities, how teachers at school had harassed me for performing better than non-immigrant students. They would lie about me cheating (I never cheated, not even once, there was no need to anyways because the curriculum was much easier than my home country’s), repeatedly misgraded my exams, and tried to steer me away from applying to good universities.
But I will also leave you with a more practical lesson. Get a copy of your transcripts and other records. Look them over because they may make mistakes or put in false information for whatever reasons, which can cause problems later on if you need to explain what really happened to other people such as a new therapist.
After my not so helpful experience, I eventually felt suicidal again but because my attempt went wrong, I didn’t know what to do afterward. The urge has slowly though not completely worn off, and I can’t exactly say I have much to look forward to, just maintaining status quo for now.