Today was my father’s birthday. All we did was go out to eat and have a cake my mom made. He doesn’t need a whole lot. It was my family and my Grandma. Once we had the cake and my grandma was ready to leave to go home, she gave me this bookmark with a prayer on it. Prayer to St. Anthony. She’s a devout Catholic. People have been treating me different lately. I don’t ever feel the need to fake being happy when I’m clearly not, so people can tell when something is “wrong” with me. This was just her way to try to help. I don’t really like when people do this, but she’s my grandma. So you know.
I keep finding reasons to die. Just everything about my existence feels like it needs to stop. It’s the only thing that makes any sense to me. I don’t see why I should go on. For what? Nothing about me feels worth living. I keep thinking about how selfish it would be to go. But why should I care? Nothing will concern me once I close my eyes for the last time. It makes me a miserable POS, but like I said it will stop mattering once things are over. It feels like the reasons stack on top of each other. I don’t know if I can explain that sensation properly, so I guess I won’t. It’s just the first thing that popped into my head.
Keep listening to this song after hearing it on my Spotify rotation. I love the tinny melody at the beginning. Reminds me of the start of Thank You My Twilight. Does anyone know anymore songs that use these sort of square wave tunes in their music.