Well I turned down the job offer from that defense start up. I kept putting it off because it was the first job offer I got from a legit engineering company. It hurt. But I’m not going to help create a system meant for killing people. Especially not for the Trump administration. Now I probably won’t get lucky again for another 4+ months. I hate this. I think the scariest thing is maybe if I didn’t turn it down and ended up working for them, I wouldn’t feel anything about what I did. I clearly have a moral objection to it, but maybe it’s not as strong as I make it out to be. Maybe.
I participated in a PhD’s student study on the experience of college students who have autism. My last psych offhandedly said I was probably on the spectrum in one of our sessions. Not really a formal diagnosis, but still a diagnosis. I did check with him again to be sure that it was even ok for me to take part in the study and he said it would be fine. The only problem is is I don’t really know what it means to be autistic. He never really explained his reasoning outside of how I am socially. So you could imagine I wasn’t much help when the guy conducting the study interviewed me. A lot of my answers seemed long winded and confused. Which I was. I just told him my experience to the best of my ability. But I was never really good at explaining myself. Lasted around 45 minutes. Incoherent rambling that probably is of zero use to him. And I was paid too. So I’m sure he’s having a bad case of buyer’s remorse. But at least I made a little money.
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Don’t ever feel bad about turning down a job in the profession of genocide. Not many would. And you’re right, they just end up deluding themselves into thinking it’s not their problem.
When in was a student intern, we got a huge defense contract. My department was working on antenna systems. My bosses easied their (lack of) conscience by saying that antennas don’t kill people, then in the same breath they’d disparage the next lab for working on detonators. It’s all part of the same fucking missile, but these so called geniuses chose idiocy so they could enjoy their paychecks. I transfered out, then ended up failing out because my heart was no longer in it.
No regrets my friend. You may have lost a few hefty paychecks but you kept your soul. I don’t believe in karma, but I think your decision will reward you just the same.