A strange moment in faith

So I had the interview on Monday, no word back yet, I honestly don’t know what the answer will be, but today I started to ask myself what I wanted the answer to be. I realized what I was really praying for, hoping for, having faith for was for them to say no.

It shocked me a bit. Yet I don’t think it’s the right place for me to go, to a detention environment for young people. The sacrifices it will require, not just from me, but from my family, I don’t want to put everyone through that. I know the money is good, and the economy is hard on all of us, but…..

The story of Isaac came to mind. My dad was a Sunday School teacher and he used to teach that story in a very hands on way using me in his class. Abraham took Isaac up to the mountain to sacrifice him because God told him to, and just when it seemed like Abraham was going to have to make that supreme sacrifice, God stopped him. There was a ram in the bushes. God provided another way. God honored that sacrifice, but God didn’t require it.

My mom said something to me earlier this week, that God is my source, not man, not banks, and that I should trust him. Well, this seems like God is speaking those word directly to my situation. I don’t go to church, but God finds me anyway. I’m surrounded by people who love me who also have faith. My wife said if the job doesn’t take me they don’t share my values, and I think she’s right on that too, but I think it’s a matter of faith.

So today I’m preparing for Thanksgiving with my family, that’s my loving act. I’m trusting that it’ll all work out okay in the end. I’m not planning for failure, but I’m managing my expectations in case it comes. Somewhere in a building downtown they’re making decisions, that’s their job. However forces more powerful than any of us are moving. Those forces are ultimately what will ultimately decide the end decision.

I mean, I used AI tools to prepare for the job, that’s a lot bigger than this tiny agency. Larger still are the forces of humanity and destiny, narrative and so on.

What I realized today is that I’ll be okay, without this job I’ll be okay. The agency will probably be just fine without me too.

I guess I realized I believe in a more active God in this world too. That’s as much of a shock as any of this. When my cat died and God couldn’t save him that was a blow. I really wanted God to swoop in and heal my sweet boy, but it was too late. He went peacefully, and that was a mercy. Yet here I am, calling on him in my hour of need. Knowing that he’ll be there when I call, why? Because he’s been there before, he’s never failed to show up when I needed him the most. Not a single time. He’s always on time, but rarely early.

There’s an old movie with Gene Wilder and Harrison Ford called Frisco Kid where Gene Wilder plays a rabbi, it’s really funny but Gene Wilder really leans into playing a sincere person of faith. So there’s this scene where they are captured by Native Americans and they’ve proven themselves to be good people they are eating and celebrating with them, and the chief is talking to the rabbi about his faith. He wants to know if the Hebrew god can make rain, and Avram, that’s the name of Gene Wilder’s character, says that he can, but that he doesn’t because that’s not his department. How his god gives compassion when all we feel is hatred, and courage when we’re afraid, but he does not make rain.

Then it starts to rain. Avram, the man of faith interprets quickly and pretty much correctly; “Then sometimes just like that he’ll change his mind.”

The Native people had been praying for rain, it’s what they needed most. The chief is significantly impressed, it’s a moment of cross cultural understanding.

However I bring this all up to go back to my point; He’s just on time, not early, not late, just when necessary. There’s a powerful theological point buried in this comedy movie, that God knows what he’s doing. In that moment the God of the Hebrews shows himself to the Native Americans in a powerful way, I’m sure they never forgot it. It’s also a buddy comedy about these two friends crossing the old west. Harrison Ford is a former train robber and by the end of the movie he’s decided to stay in San Francisco with his friend the rabbi. They deal with some crooks along the way who robbed Avram and followed him along his journey, testing his morality the whole way through.

There are a lot of lessons to be mined from this movie. Lord knows I’ve tried to get them all. Gene Wilder was a sweetheart of a man who brought all of his heart to every role he played. I think he was like Robin Williams in that way. I’ve been rewatching some Robin Williams movies like Bicentennial Man and wow, that movie has a lot of heart.

I hope that all of you have a happy Thanksgiving, it’s a good time to reflect on all we have in our lives. I have two sweet cats, two sweet dogs, a house, two loving parents, a wife, a warm place to sleep, games to play, and a purpose to what I’m doing. That’s not even getting into food to eat and the other pleasures I enjoy. My life is rich indeed. It could be so much worse, I can see that very clearly. Look around, see what is good in the world.

Kurt Vonnegut said it best; if this isn’t nice, what is?