Those horrifying reflections…..

That can seize one in the evening, the evening edging towards night. When one remembers the horror  of saying something really stupid, ridiculously fucking stupid ,cringe worthy fucking stupid , earlier in the day. I’ve said and done ridiculous things. The fucking worst being an episode of weeping. Public weeping. I had to stand in front of the class at the age of 8 I can’t remember what exactly for it was something like you had make up something in front of the class, entertain the class or something and I started crying, in front of a class of 24 other boys and  the teacher. That’s too late fora boy to be crying. I don’t remember how the outburst was received, I must have blocked that part out. One has to to say fuck it and forgive oneself, get comfortable.