I did the thing I said I’d do once I moved out. I singed up for a dating app. I hated every minute of it. I don’t talk to people. I like being by myself. Sort of. I do feel lonely, bit I’ve kinda gotten used to it. Just avoid people and you don’t feel like that.
The process was confusing and painful. It don’t like taking pictures. I don’t even like looking in the mirror. But I needed pics. I don’t like talking about myself, but I needed something to put on there. Gave kinda generic answers. Using it was confusing too. Layout and actions don’t make a lot of sense. It’s social media and I hate that stuff. I bet after not getting anyone interacting with me for a week, I’ll delete it.
I didn’t spend too much time on the app, but it did made me realize I don’t belong there. It has a bunch of pictures of women I’d never talk to in real life. They all have a bunch of selfies that makes it seem they spend a lot of time looking at themselves. Which is fine, but that’s the exact opposite of me. The more I spent time on there made me realize how I’m not meant for dating. I’m not for human consumption. My strange and shameful proclivities. My unhygienic and unhealthy lifestyle. My everything. I’ve kept to myself my whole life. If it’s not for a goal or purpose, I don’t know how to talk to somebody. Talk to them just to talk to them. To get to know a human. I don’t deal with those.
I carried a torch for that girl for so long. I think she was the last person I genuinely had feelings for. And I had them for so long. I have God knows how many posts talking about it. Painful lonely ones. I guess I was that way for so long and then having her ghost me for the last time just made me uninterested in people. I know I fantasize about being with someone, but they’re like all my fantasies. Completely removed from reality that it seems ridiculous to think they’d ever happen.
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2 comments
Good luck with Dating apps. Never used them myself and from the way you describe it they sound like a job application. From my experience it is better to meet women in the real world, face to face, her body language will tell you the truth. I came up the hard way with women, every mistake under the sun I made a thousand times but I got good in the end but by then I was 28, if only I was like that from 15:to 23 but Like I said I came up the hard way, failure after failure. You won’t want to hear this but it’s to do with not giving a fuck with the interaction, your level of comfort determines her level of comfort. Best of luck
Have you considered dbt? The issues you describe are things that can be addressed and worked on, if you’re wanting to do so