So 2025 is over. How was this year for me? Pretty fucking awful to be honest. I started off the year trying to work on CLARA. I stayed behind in Worcester because I naively thought that I could finish up CLARA in time to publish a paper. It didn’t work out. Just like the other couple of chances I had. So I missed Christmas and New Years for nothing. I started off the actual new years at the barcade I frequented. Bunch of happy people who rang in the new year with me standing awkwardly to the side watching them. I wanted to play Galaga to start off the year, but a couple was making out on top of the cabinet so I just left. Then I spent the next few months floundering trying to get that stupid robot to work until I managed to get a half assed final product and a half assed thesis. Something I’m not proud of. I constantly think of that moment after my presentation where it sounded like my advisor was pleading with the other committee members to pass me through. Talking about how “hard” I worked on this “project”. He didn’t have to do it with any other Masters student. So the best thing that happened to me this year was that I got a Masters degree I’m not even really proud of. I spent the rest of the year doing fuck all nothing and pointlessly applying for jobs that didn’t want me. Then I get a god awful technician job where I wake up at three in the morning 3 days out of the week and spend 12 and half straight hours in a hot, loud, claustrophobic amazon warehouse where all the associates look like they want to kill themselves. Speaking of which.
1 month down 5 more to go. I complained how I was stuck in Worcester hopelessly working on CLARA for December but I would take that a thousand times over what I put up with this month. At least I was doing something I wanted to do. I wasn’t any good at it, but that’s a different story. Now I’m supposed to fix conveyor belts and fill out safety forms. I’m sure putting my Masters degree to good use. The people are nice, but that’s not enough to like this job. They keep talking about how they want me to be a permanent employee and I just shrug and say I don’t know what will happen. I actually started to apply for jobs again today. I’ve got 5 months to make sure I don’t stay a permanent member. Considering how it took me 4 months to get this shit job, things aren’t looking up. What else? Oh yeah I’m getting a root canal after all next week. And it costs 2 grand. Which I had to ask my parents for. The whole point of taking this piece of shit job was to at least say I was financially independent. What a fucking joke.
Been listening to this track a lot. Of course it makes me think of her. It’s actually painful how accurate it is concerning what relationship we had. Constantly chasing after someone who never gave a fuck about me. BTW still sticking with that hell app. Should’ve just deleted my profile by now, but sunk cost fallacy and all that.