Am I just not good enough to be with anyone?
I have friends, and a good family, but I lack in the relationship department.
I keep mulling over if I should be trying to find a girlfriend, thinking if I should start a family…
I’m getting older. Idk how much of it is biology, but I think about it a lot lately.
I’m perfectly fine being alone. I don’t want kids. This is the most solitude I’ve had in years. I’m not sure though. The one person I wanted, that I still want, is thousands of miles away, with someone else, and does not feel the same.
I don’t like that this is so in my head. I feel like I’m treating this person like a girlfriend, when I can’t even have her for myself in an exclusive relationship. I love her unconditionally, so I’ve been by her side all this time, but I keep thinking, “I’m no good. I can’t provide for any woman. I can’t even be a good dad; I suck with kids.”
I’m just constantly back and forth on this and it’s agony.
I can’t help that I love this person so deeply because we’ve gone through a lot of shit together. That being said, it’s not happening with her anyway.
I feel like an idiot. I’ve never really been with anyone in person (minus a brief high school thing), so it’s not like I’d be any good at being in a relationship anyway. I’m not sure what to do.
I don’t think I’ll find someone hallmark movie style or anything (totally unrealistic), I think I’m too damaged to figure it out with someone else. God forbid I have to try to fix someone else when I’m not even good enough mentally. I am trying, therapy has really helped me, but I am shit in this department (relationships).
What is really wrong with me?