What does one do at that point? I see no joy in living. The bacterial infection from 2.5 years ago has destroyed my legs (as well as other body parts) and I was already disabled to begin with. But at least I was more mobile before. I was sick and disabled but not THIS sick and this disabled. I can still walk but my legs are not in great condition. I can’t walk very well. Hell, I have trouble even bending my legs.
There is no time machine for me to go back and never have come here to thus state, to this shitty house.
I was already broken from a car accident 17 years ago.
And I was mentally broken before that (years of childhood abuse).
I’ve never once had a good life. I’ve never ever had a real chance at life. No matter how hard I tried (worked at a Sweat shop at the age of 7, Joined the military at 19 because I had no money to pay for college and that was the only way).
I’m no stranger to hard work. All I’ve ever known was hard work and hard times. Used sheer grit to get through life. But no matter what I did, No matter how hard I worked, no I’m not a how nice and kind I was, I always get screwed by the universe and by shitty humans.
I’m tired. I’m tired of it all.
I don’t have the strength to go on. I do not see joy and happiness In the future. All I see is my hardship and my struggles. And more physical issues.
I have no more hope.
I also have no family to help me.
I have no friends to help me. My friends to even listen to me when I am depressed and down.
I have very little money and I’m too sick to work to make more money.
I’m too poor to have any kind of decent or happy life.
I have no boyfriend or significant other. Because no one wants to be with a disabled person.
Even if I wanted to suicide, it’s nearly impossible to do it properly. That is if you want it done quick and painless and 100% effective. There is nothing that is 100% effective and there is always a risk of something going wrong.
Anyhow, I am tired. All I ever wanted was to be happy and have a decent normal life. I can’t have that after the infection. It’s destroyed my body.
And also something else has happened recently that has affected my brain so I’m having issues with that now too.
How can I live or be happy without my brain and my body working properly?
I have zero connection with anyone. No one understands me or cares about me.
What is the point of living when you’re all alone and no one cares?
All I’ve ever wanted was to have a happy meaningful and productive life with friends and his significant other that care about me. That’s it. I don’t need to be famous or rich or anything. I just need to have enough money to have a comfortable life free phone worry about money and things money related. And yes Health- that also fall into that category Because it’s difficult to be healthy- Nay- impossible to be healthy When when is poor and can’t afford things. Especially when you live in a shit neighborhood and have shit housing
Anyway, this was a much longer rent than I want it. I originally just wanted to buy the title and one sentence but here we are.
My life fucking sucks. I don’t know how to be happy or how to get out of this shit hole.
Well at least thanks for reading.
Please comment so I know you’ve read it.
1 comment
You really got screwed by life 🙁 I’m not doing as badly, but for what it’s worth, it’s hard for me to find a stable job as well due to medical issues from my attempt.
It can also be difficult to explain because many people still assume that everyone and everything in the US must be better than other places, along with other stereotypes. Like why would any parents give up better conditions to come here if it’s worse?
Anyways, does the VA help out with anything? I didn’t hear too many good things about it in the past, but maybe it has improved?