What if we’ve been dumbasses and have made all the wrong decisions in life? And hence we are in the situation we are in now?
We all like to think we are smart. And some of us are very academically smart. And some of us do have common sense.
BUT- What if we been making stupid ass choices? Choices that aren’t Necessarily obvious that it’s stupid?
Like choosing to go after career vs finding a soulmate.
Like choosing to stay home and hermit instead of going out, meeting ppl or just going for solo walks, Exercising, eating right, etc.
I mean, yes, when we get depressed, we don’t eat properly, we don’t exercise, we don’t go out, we isolate in every way possible, etc. It’s fine if it’s just a few days or even a few weeks.
But the chronically depressed, like me- we routinely engage in bad habits and not do things we ought to do (stay active, eat well, have some kind of human contact, etc).
I mean that’s one part of it. The obvious part. And there’s the non-obvious bad decisions (like choosing career over finding love, or choosing to move to that apt or that city which was a total mistake, and now you’re stuck or have no energy to leave).
What if things ARE our fault? I mean there are so many things that are not our fault but they set us up to fail- ie poverty, lack of GOOD options, so we’re only choosing between less bad options/outcomes. Or the things we actually have control over (like eating healthy, going out, making friends, not isolating etc) that we’re still not doing?
Like I am tired of going out and meeting people who are terrible or turn out to be users and manipulators. Also, it saps what little energy we have. But if we DON’T go out and we isolate, in the long run it makes us worse, When this goes on for years.
Studies show that People who do not have friends, family, a robust social life- not only die younger but have all sorts of health problems, both physical and mental, related to being alone and lonely.
I’m too tired to write a proper detailed post to explain what I mean, but I think you all get a sense of what I mean. Like when people are depressed, We don’t necessarily make the best choices, which then makes our situation even worse.
Isolating is just 1 example. There’s lots of things I do (or don’t do) is stupid and destructive in the long run.
But I suppose that’s the issue isn’t it? For people who are depressed or suicidal, we do not think long-term. We only think short term, Because we don’t think we’d be here on earth that long.
For example, studies have shown that Black people from poor neighborhoods do not think about college or think about life in the Long term, therefore they do not try to go to college, set themselves up to elevate themselves, etc bc they don’t think they’d even be alive past their 20s. So they don’t think it plan for the long term. Is it not the same for us depressed suicidal sacks of potatoes?
when you’re in a depressed situation, or in a bad environment, it is hard to get out of it unless you have the energy and the willpower, things that a depressed person does not have. And then we become stuck. Stuck in a shitty situation. Like being stuck in quicksand.
We, the depressed, pretty much have given up trying to get OUT of the quicksand, Because many of us have tried before, only to get one leg out only to get stuck again.
It’s like we’ve tried time and again to get out of the quicksand, and we may have almost gotten out and freed ourselves, Only to sink back in again before we can reach solid ground.
I guess life kind of feels like that. Except we’re the mofos who’ve given up. And stop struggling to get out of the quicksand. We’re like chest deep, so it is very difficult to get out.
Also, it’s like they you’re there and overeating so now you’re even fatter and harder to get out of the quicksand. But you’re also still reaching for the comfort foods- like pastries, junk food, pizza, soda, coffee, alcohol etc.
Can you reach for a temporary “good feel” but that only makes you worse off. Metaphorically and physically.
3 comments
Seconded. Why can’t we see we’re making a bad decision in the middle of doing it?
I once walked away from one of the hottest girls I met in my life (through acquaintances), all because of a lack of courage to ask for her number. It wasn’t just once-though she was the best, I had numerous similar opportunities.
And stupidly I’d instead chase after (and dated) the wrong girls who I knew beforehand I had little or no chemistry with. It’s all psychology…we go with the lesser option because fear of rejection is lower.
Also in university, I had some fake friends who ruined my reputation over an agreement we made. I was basically tricked out of making the right decision and then they bad-mouthed me behind my back.
I had no choice but to hang back a year, and make new friends, because it’s a tough program and you can’t succeed without some help from peers. In hindsight they did me a favor because those ‘new friends’ have been with me over 20 years now.
That “little voice” in our head that tells you to always do the right thing is the one we should always listen to in such situations.
No one can bring those moments in my life back-nobody could really understand it except myself.
I am lucky I still look young for my age, runs in my family thankfully…so it gives me a second shot at life…just have to get my azz back in shape again, nothing will change for me until I move to a better place.
As for everything you said, concurred…we need to put ourselves out there to make new connections…it’s not easy to do but the payoff is worth it.
Like the girl I met online that I mentioned before, we had a good connection, but there’s little I can do to make that r/s grow because of distance and money.
However it just proved to me that I have “market value”…that people are interested in being my friend or ‘mate’…once they get to know me better.
And you are right, negative experiences reinforce depression, it’s a feedback loop…likewise for the reverse.
But if you want to get “good things” in life, you have to take risks, break the bad cycle…but also to fix one’s own life first, before you can meet new people.
Would any guy/girl rather date a pretty track star for example or someone who’s overweight and living a mediocre life? We all are drawn to attractive, successful people…it’s a brutal reality.
In my case, I know 99% of the problems are caused by my current living situation…I change that and I can focus on getting fit again and finding a soulmate as you said.
I have some business ideas too…but again I need to get out my current situation to work on them.
I should add also that apart from peaking in my early 20s (when I was well built, I can’t believe I didn’t take pics of my muscular body from back then-it was pre-cell phone era), I never looked better than I do now (despite the flaws that I’ve complained about here before)….apart from some weight gain and some hair loss which can be dealt with.
I’m certainly a much more secure/smarter and more confident version of me than I was in my youth, but ofc now my age is a factor…I just have to work with it. Some girls are drawn to mature/older guys too.
Once I remove that monkey off my back (move) and am firing on all cylinders (pardon the cliches)…I think my life will improve a lot. I have no choice either…I don’t want to keep living a minimal existence and my time here (on earth) is short.
As mentioned in the past, I’ve given myself till my 60s for a dramatic change, otherwise fcuk it, I’ll be checking out….the older you get, the more health issues, the less appeal to others, and then they want you for your money if you have any…just not a situation I want for myself.
Health will be the biggest factor though-like an old car, stuff breaks down completely unexpectedly. Given my recent health scare, I never want to end up in a hospital again if I can avoid it….except for maid.
I’m in a pressure cooker rn, but hopefully this year will be my inflection point and life will be easier after…esp if I can get self-employed too.
Just one other thought…as for meeting new people there’s a vid on YT of a geeky guy (I think he’s Swedish) who tries to pick up random girls in different European cities.
At first he’s pretty gawky and clumsy, but soon he gains confidence after numerous rejections and then treats it as a game after.
Arguably it’s easier to meet people for dating than for making new friends…but it just goes to show it works…if you develop a thicker skin and basically play the numbers game, though I prefer quality over quantity.
In my case tbh, I’m fine with my current friends…I’d love to hook up with some buddies from high school, because we had history together and their interests more closely aligned with mine.
But I’ve lost touch with them over the years and they move to other cities/countries, have new lives/jobs…but I think my grade school friends were the best.
I don’t really care to make new friends unless they’re fun, chill and successful, attractive people…I know it probably sounds superficial but I’ve always been a picky person. I know I don’t speak for the average person and wouldn’t be everyone’s cup of tea either.