It’s so easy to just fall back into the pit. I’ve been slowly falling the last couple weeks, I thought it was getting better.
Tonight my boyfriend was in a standup show. He started doing standup 2 years ago but took a break. He promised me when he started that any jokes that involved me would get run past me. He didn’t do that this time. He made up a fake joke about me and it was an embarrassing one.
He had a couple friends at the show and they were saying “oh we know you and those jokes are definitely not true”
But I felt like everyone else was staring at me. I felt completely embarrassed. I only found out about this joke last night and I should’ve said something, but I didn’t want to mess up his set, and I thought I would just tell him to not use that joke in the future today. Well now he’s sleeping in another room and I’m desperately trying not to cut myself. I started scratching up my arm with my nails because I just am falling apart and I need something to pull me back in. I’m gonna be up all night savoring the pain from the scratches because it’s the only thing keeping me from falling in deeper. I hate myself for feeling this way about a joke, but I was hiding my face at the show cuz I couldn’t handle it. My boyfriend was already upset cuz I forgot to get a photo of him on stage, but I just couldn’t focus through that joke. I spent nearly half the show crying with no escape.
I don’t know who to talk to right now. It’s been a while since I’ve been here and I just needed to tell someone. I just want to run away. I just want to get in my car and drive somewhere. But I can’t. I have to face this tomorrow. I just feel so embarrassed and disrespected.
3 comments
I’ll skip the obvious “dump the fucking douchebag” since I’m sure it’s a lot harder than that.
Focus on damage control. When someone says something deliberately hurtful, and rather than fixing it doubles down and gets angry at you for being offended, the only thing you can do is get away which is what you’ve done, separated yourselves in different rooms. The problem is, in isolation, the pain has nowhere to go so it often turns inward.
I’m not one to talk because I also fall into this trap and I fully indulge in SH. But sometimes I can stave it off with certain emergency tricks. Do you have any of those? In SH forums a lot of people talk about keeping an emergency box filled with things that might break them out of the pit. Could be anything as simple as their favorite chocolate bar, or certain comfort items, pencils and a sketch pad, etc.
It probably doesn’t help to dwell on the hurt right now, but for what it’s worth, hell yea he was fucking wrong as rain to publicly humiliate you. Maybe he should imagine what he’d do if you & he were in the audience and your ex was on stage making douchebag jokes about you? Serious question, would he laugh? Or would he beat the shit out of the ex? His answer might reveal a lot.
Well, you two definitely need to have a conversation about this.
Yes, this was disrespectful and hurtful. See what he says (likely he’ll just claim he “forgot” to run it by you” first.
Determine how many chances you’ll give him. Like for example, if he does it 1 more time, or 2 more times, then it is a hard “it’s over” type of deal (and no wavering and letting him do this repeatedly to you).
As to the camera thing, just tell him you were so hurt by the jokes that you couldn’t focus and you had to fight back your tears. That’s his fault and on him for making you feel like crying.
As to him needing material, I totally get he needs material, but just tell him to change all wording to “my ex” as opposed to “my gf” or “my current gf.” There’s no reason he can’t change one little word.
Also, keep in mind that if and when you do break up with him, he’s going to make ALL the worst and embarrassing jokes about you. He can even make up stuff and say “my ex did this or said that…”
Kinda like the Taylor Swift breakup songs. But he’ll do it via jokes.
I am not going to say he’s wrong or you’re wrong. Should he avoid saying things that he knows will hurt you? Yeah…
Should you understand jokes and comedians may exaggerate the truth just to entertain an audience? Yes.
Most likely people don’t take his jokes as truth, and possibly just play along with them. I’m sure very few, if any people were looking at you during the show, but being called out like that would definitely make you feel singled out, and “seen” by everyone.
Regardless, to keep things at peace he should probably avoid talking about you in general, but he actively chooses not to. So, either you just avoid his sets entirely to evade the embarrassment, or realize this is a compatibility issue and walk away.