So there was this annoying as hell fly buzzing around my room. I’ve had a lot of fly and gnat problems lately. Room’s so gross that I guess it makes sense, but I’ve never lived at a place where it was this bad. I think it’s also cause I’m in the boonies. Anyways it was buzzing around and eventually I found it tapping against the window. It kept trying to go outside. I thought about squishing it, but I just watched it tap tap tap against the window. I thought about how God is probably just watching us do the same thing. And doing absolutely nothing about it. Or maybe even causing it. Watch us struggle and flail trying to find some sort of happiness or purpose. Then I thought about how easy it would be to just open the window and let it out. So I open the window and try to push the screen off to let it through. I didn’t see where it went. Might have gone out, might have died in a corner of my room somewhere, or might have gotten eaten by a bird or something. But at least I got to say that I 1 upped God on this one. Thing is I couldn’t get the screen back on and now my landlord needs to buy a ladder to get up to that section of roof to put it back on (apparently he needs to do other stuff too so I don’t feel too bad.). I guess that’s what I get for being nice. Wish the karma could have at least had the other gnats and shit fly out the window too. But I guess that’s too much to ask.
I don’t really know what I was expecting but for some reason I didn’t think it would make me feel worse. The meeting with the career counselor went no where. Like I said it would. Just tips on interviewing. Didn’t even look at my resume. The worst thing was that she kept saying over and over again how tough it is and how she understands. Everyone says that. Over and over and over. As if it means anything. As if it helps me. Just saying “Gosh I know how frustrating this must be.” or “Keep going at it. You’re doing a good job.” I can tell she only kept saying that cause she saw the dead eyed look I had half way through when I realized how pointless this was. I kept saying that this wouldn’t give me some magic secret to solve my problem, but I’m always surprised how much I underestimate how disappointing things can be.
Interview went about as expected. Don’t expect anything from it either. It’s for some aerospace company that makes private jets for rich assholes. So probably a good thing I won’t get it. I say that as if I wouldn’t kill to have an engineering job by now. I still don’t regret turning down that drone defense company. After seeing what they’re doing in Iran, I knew I made the right call to say fuck no to selling weapons to the government. At least I can say that I kept my morals till the end. Now if only I had a gun to blow my brains out.