It all began when i was 11. I lived with my mom my whole life, and with both parents up until i was 8. My mom has always been a very emotional person, so in 2007, she got put into the hospital for depression. I never really thought anything of it. Until i knew something was wrong when me and my sister were moved from house to house not knowing where we were going to stay next because mom didnt want my dad to know where she went. She finally got better, and i went back home, my sister then moved into my dads house because she wanted to see her boyfriend more. So it was just me and mom living together, i still remember the day, it was november 14 at 4 30 pm, when my mom dropped me off at my dads, and said she would be back to get me the next day at 5 30 after work, she never showed. I waited for 2 weeks for her to call. But she didnt, she only dropped my stuff off in my dads yard and left and ran off to another town with her boyfriend she just met. He had a son, so i then had a new brother. I love my mom with all of my heart so i soon forgave her, even though 4 years later, there is still the hurt that she just left me.
After i moved in with my dad everything was fine, i was still daddies little girl and we soon bought a new house, thats when he got a new girlfriend. My first impression was not a very good one, she was rude, and mean. I told my dad i didnt like her, and seeing as he would love me and my sister more, he would leave her, but that wasnt the case, she soon brainwashed him and they both became abusive. My stepmom would call me ugly, and no good, and she would tell me that she was only here for my father and didnt want anything to do with me or my sister. She began hitting me, throwing things at me and not communicating with me at all. I thought of all people i could turn to, was my dad, but he had changed too. He also began hitting me and telling me im no good for anything. I then began trying my hardest to meet their expecations, i would clean, i would get good grades but i couldnt handle it, and when i would tell me friends about what it was like at home, they wouldnt listen and they woudl say i just want attention. I started talking to my good councellor, i was only a little girl, 12 years old and in my first year of Jr. High. I had nobody to lean on, and im not the type of persont o show my feelings. It just kept prgressing into the next year where i started to feel useless and worthless just like ive been told, i didnt want to tell anyone about i thought the only way out was suicide. I started cutting, and writing goodbye letters, and thinking of any possible way to get out of my hurt.
My father didnt love me, his grilfriend hated me, me and my sister barly talked, and my mom abandoned me, even though i went and seen her every weekend i could, ias still angry with her and still am to this day. I went outside to my tree and tied a rope around my neck, i tried to hang myself, since nobody loved me anyways nobody would care. i got to the point where i couldnt see anything but light, and the rope broke. I got scared and quickly tried to catch my breath. As the year progessed into the next, things still kept getting worse, i ran away, i started to have sex, and i lost all of my friends, again, i felt even more useless. Then in june of last year, my grandfather died, we were very close and he was just like my best friend, i was devistated, and i dont know why god would take him away from me when i needed him the most, i told him everything, i loved him with all of my heart. I couldnt handle all of this, so again, i started cutting and thinking of ways to end my life.
As soon as i moved in with my father, i knew things would change, so i started drinking alot.
And i started hanging out with the wrong people.
Two months ago, i got really drunk with my boyfriend, we had unprotected sex, and now, im pregnant, another thing to ruin my life, i know im only doing this myself, but i dont want this child to be born into a messed up family like this, im thinking about ending my life for real soon, and its going to be too late if i dont get help, im 15 years old i despritley need it, i want this to end i really do. but i dont know where to get help, i have nobody left in my life.
7 comments
i might know what your going through, im not pregnate or any thing but just read…
well im 12 and ive been wanting to end my life for some time now. ive tried everything. but sometimes my friends listen…
i know you feel alone now, i know the feeling. my dad got remarried to a woman i that i hate.
i died my hair purple to give myself a new look. i decided three steps to tone down suicidal feelings
i decided the first step in turning my life aroundwas turning my style around.
step two- i joined a cause to keep my mind off of the suicidal feelings, so far i am working hard to donate to save the panda and polar bears.
step three-slowly cut back on what stresses you the most, and cut back on cutting….
there are several places that will accept you. you can go the a center for abused kids. or save all your money, get a part time job and just move out to a cheap place. you could even stay at a motel/hotel if need and say say your at a friends place.
please just try this it really helped me
Hey… I don’t really know where to start. In a way I have been in a situation a lot like yours. I know what it feels like and I know that maybe if I would have found someone to talk to sooner I might have dealt with things a little better. I just want you to know that if you ever need someone to talk to I am here. I’m not going to try and push religion on you or anything I could be there as a friend/big sister if you needed me to be. I know this sounds strange coming from a complete stranger but it would be horrible to see someone so young throw their life away. Anyway.. you can reach me at Angel_1148259@hotmail.com if you want to talk its the same email I’ve had for five years now so it will always be there if you need to talk =)
*Whitney*
I’m 12 as well and if you ever need someone to talk to i’m here for you rjabercrombie213@gmail.com
Rachel
Hi I’m Selfish. I’d just like to say that your situation is not unique and that there are many many people that can relate to your situation and that could counsel you through this. I also want to ask you a question. How far along are you? And do you think that you could love your baby? Though it’s not the ideal decision abortion is an option if you’re not too far along. Please don’t wait too late.
If you’re too far along you could always give the baby up for adoption. They have open adoptions where you’re allowed to visit the baby and receive pictures to make sure he/she is doing alright. If it comes down to it you may have to do a closed adoption. See as many people as possible. Pray for a good couple. Pray for discernment of people. Even if you’re not religious just do it. God is real. Maybe not the Cristian one but we do have a creator. And though I have my personal ambivalence towards him/her I have known many people that have gotten real help through prayer.
Now if you think that you could love the baby they have plenty of resources to help teen mothers.
Go here: http://www.tmcint.org/
Do some more research online for help in your area. You could show your baby all of the love that your parents were supposed to show you and this would be very fulfilling. Your parent’s treatment may stem from resentment because they have a lot of growing up to do. You nor your sister asked to have them as parents. And honestly the situation that you’re in right now is partially their fault. But blaming them will only limit you. So forgive them for who they are and what they weren’t and move on (very hard to do but possible).
Don’t live for anyone but yourself (and right now for the baby who did not ask to be conceived). I’m not gonna lie. You were one of the unlucky ones that was born to selfish parents. But that doesn’t mean that you have to be unhappy for the rest of your life. You’re only 15. You’re so young and you still have time to make a change. Your life is not over. So for right now I’d just say forget about your parents. Be civil to them, but don’t let your happiness hinge on their affection and approval of you because you may be sorely disappointed if you do so anymore.
Your primary concern right now must be yourself and the baby. This may sound contradictory but I’d also suggest that you tell your parents that you’re pregnant if you’re not planning on having an abortion. Even though they’re selfish, they’re still older and know a lot more about life than you do. And I’m sure that they love you in their own way. They could be of some help. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t take the initiative and seek help for yourself right now. Why shouldn’t you kill yourself? Because you have a huge possibility to be happy in the near future.
Hey I honestly hope the best for you. Be strong. And good luck.
I’d like to apologize for anything in my post that sounds offensive or insensitive. My emotional intelligence is severely lacking. I noticed one thing especially that I said which sounds very inconsiderate. I said that “your baby didn’t ask to be conceived”. That’s very obvious and I apologize for being so insensitive in my words. You are very young and we all make mistakes. You shouldn’t let anyone make you feel guilty for what ever you decide to do. In the end you have to do what’s best for you and what you feel is the best decision concerning the child. My comment hasn’t been approved as of yet so hopefully the moderators will just take that bit out of my post. I give my expressed permission if they would like to do so.
Please keep in touch. anytime alvaro@yandex.ru
You are a minor and by law the State must protect you in a horrible situation like this. Email me and tell me who your father is and where he lives. I think he is going to learn the lesson of his life. He is going to pay for what he has done to you and so will that ***** of his girfriend.
Our little girl. You have been a victim and have never done anything wrong. You are a bless to this world, and you are going to get all the help and protection you deserve. Also with that little baby coming up. Do not worry at all. You have done the right thing. Please email me and let me gather the State resources that will protect you immediately.