So month pass.. over 1 month..
I packed and went to my trips.. Was trying to catch my luck in mountains .. Skii.. It was the best trip ever.. Full of love, sex, food, alcohol, people, laugh and sleep..
Still can’t believe i came back. Stopped crying after 2 days ..
Now i feel worst than before trip ! It had to cure me but broken totally.
My bf, who filled me completely, i thought so, now is sick and totally out of US.
so i am totally lonely, cold and in this FUCKING DARK WINTE! I HATE IT! HATE ALL THAT SNOW!!!!!!
Life sucks again. But it doesnt mean i gonna give up.
My brother humiliates me more than before trip.. Its so hard now, when i was around people who loved me.
But still .. mostly hurts my bf. He doesn’t understand how fucked up i am and such behavour will make me to run away – delete him. I don’t let to play with my feelings – its easy to delete, no matter how much i’m in love. Just sad, because i felt that he is the one. Second time in my life.
Maybe its just one time thing.. that fucking love.
Guys , i hate my brother so much.. Im doing everything not to cut his throat with a knife. I saw in job how fucked up criminals are. Don’t wanna be one of them, but i wish him to be dead..Not normal i guess.
Where to put this fucking pain ?
only one solution – GO BACK TO JOB. People will die again on my hands and i will feel like “something”..
Fuck everything. Fuck love. Fuck Europe. I hate this fucking Europe.
7 comments
Oh honey… I am so sorry that its worse after holiday… You have great times which make the dark times even worse… I am sorry about your brother all I can suggest is to avoid him… What is happening with yr bf? I though he died…
I actually miss Europe so I am going on holiday there next month. Let me know if u happen to be in uk perhaps we can get coffee.
ah that’s so sweet of You :]]
no no, this is my new bf.. i keep living ! Hi death doesn’t mean i’m not gonna live anymore.
Yeah, i will avoid bro, good advice :]
ah would be nice to get coffee… but i’m in another part of Europe.. Going back to job, so probably next trip will be just in March…
It’s hard when your bf doesn’t understnad the pain.. and you want to protect him from it… but have you tried explaining it to him?
If you think going back to work will help, go ahead… personally I think it will make things better in the short term but worse in the long term.
i explained, so he told me today, that he totally understands me, and he’s totally sorry , but he’s so sick, that sleeping all the time and just is too weak to give me attention and so on..
i’m also acting rude – selfish b… so i will wait while he will be better.. :]
speaking about job. my plan is to change it on march, so its my last month of satisfaction..
and my biggest dream is to emmigrate on June. Can’t live in this dirty country..
But You are right.. Short term – better, long term – noup…Never thought bout it, but i guess u r right..
is your bf physically sick or mentally?
sometimes you haveto take the short term solution if youre desperate, and worry about long term later… at least if your aware of the potential problems later in the track, you can try to mentaly prepare yourself. what job will you change to?
he was physically sick.. very complicated streptococcus invasion… i love word invasion:D
finally he’s okay//
i told him everything then what hurts me, that i feel out of him and evthng went ok..
but these days he was working so hard, million of buisness, so we’re not in chats anymore.
AND IT SUCKs.
distance sucks.
I know. Distance sucks but you care enough to screw he distance. That’s worth something