i met my boyfriend  at work in march 2007.  i was heavily attracted to him.  he showed me around the workplace so i spent my whole shift with him.  he bought me lunch, was a complete gentleman and at one point he took me to his locker to give me his jacket.  i felt him lean towards me to kiss me but being an extremely shy person, i thought it was just wishful thinking on my part so i didn’t respond.  i was married at the time with a son and decided to do the right thing of talking about my family to dissuade him from making any more advances.  i avoided him big time after that day and even when he tried contacting me via myspace, i never gave him a hint of what i really felt for him.
two years later on when my marriage was coming to an end, we met up for a drink. Â i posted an innocent wanted ad on my facebook for a drinking buddy while my husband was away for 3 weeks. Â he responded and i tried to avoid his invite at first but he messaged me privately and used his charm on me big time. Â at this point i just couldn’t say no anymore. Â i took my friend with me for fear that i would bore him with my company. Â through the night he kept sitting next to me and i kept pushing my friend towards him. Â we ended up kissing towards the end of the night anyway and we had been inseparable for two years and 5 months since.
within 5 days of seeing each other, he told me he loved me and that he wanted to start a new life with me. he was married at the time but it turned out later on in our relationship that he really wanted to kiss me in that locker room in 2007 and he said that had he known i also fancied him, he wouldnt have married the woman he was with at the time. Â i told him i love him too after a week. Â we were so in love with each other and couldn’t live without each other hence we left our families to move in together in March 2010.
this was when things started to go up and down constantly at a really fast rate, it was dizzying.  we started arguing on and off.  he would self harm in front of me during arguments, often forcing me to watch and around october 2010, he started hitting and strangling me on top of him self harming.  I fell pregnant in January 2011 and as my pregnancy progressed, so did his verbal and physical violence towards me.  i became jealous and insecure and was constantly scared of losing him.  he couldn’t handle my jealousy and insecurity.  i already had jealousy and insecurity issues at the beginning of our relationship due to past failed relationships and i was only learning to love myself more if not love myself full stop when me and my boyfriend first got together because he made me feel so very special to start with. he was constantly telling everyone who would listen how much he loved me and how special i was.  women were jealous of me.  but as soon as the violence started, i started questioning how someone could profess so much love for me and at the same time call me names and beat me up during arguments.
my boyfriend was jailed for a night in december for assaulting me during an argument. Â i had to call the police because he was extremely violent that night. a lot more than the usual. Â this strained our relationship a lot more. i became increasingly unhappy and distant and my boyfriend became increasingly worried that he was losing me. Â things calmed down in the first two weeks of january 2012. Â then on the 16th, in the early hours of that day, just as were lying in bed to sleep, we had an exchange of words over something. Â my boyfriend left my side and went on to the sofa. i followed him shortly after to make up with him but we ended up exchanging a few more words. he again got up and went into spare room. Â i retreated back to our bedroom. Â i tried to sleep but couldn’t so i got up again to try and make up with him. i opened the spare room door and the first thing i saw was my boyfriend hanging. Â my soulmate tried to kill himself and eventually died in the hospital after a week.
our divorces were finishing this year.  we were gonna fulfill our dream of getting married.  i just gave birth to our daughter in September 2011.  but my boyfriend decided he didn’t want to carry on anymore.  he used to refer to me as his wife and i referred to him as my husband.  he was and still is the love of my life.  he is my soulmate.  we were supposed to spend the rest of our lives together.  he promised me forever and yet he only gave me 2 years and 5 months of his life.  WHY???  i don’t find any reason to carry on… i lived for the happiness he gave me.  despite the many ups and downs in our relationship, he was still the only one who could make me feel complete. he should have just taken me with him.  i am now just trying to put things in place for our daughter and my two other children.  i don’t want to stay alive for much longer.  i want to find my soulmate again.  perhaps, being soulmates, me and my boyfriend are meant to spend our time together in the after life.  i want to see him again, i miss him every waking moment of my life and it’s torture coz i hardly get any sleep these days.
5 comments
Which beatings do you miss exactly? Maybe you could beat yourself and pretend he’s doing it, just for old time’s sake. Maybe he’ll beat you in the afterlife too.
It should have been apparent to you that this guy was an aggressive, exploiting scumbag when he tried it on with you at your first day of work – charged with the responsibility of looking after you that day, the first thing he tried to do was take advantage of you.
You’re much better off without scumbags like that – so is the world. Stay alive for your kids, who you appear to have given little thought to, and forget about relationships.
Hello VerySerendipity,
Adj. 1. serendipitous – lucky in making unexpected and fortunate discoveries
lucky – having or bringing good fortune;
Do you understand serendipity? You have just received some….but not the way I think you would like. You have barely escaped a horrible pain filled life for you and your children. I agree with what Caucajun says….your “soul mate”…was not your soul mate….he just used you to keep going…and blamed you when things were not good….he had very high expectations for you. He was a misogynist. This is not to say he did not care for you….but only as much as he could care for anyone….he was his first priority always….he cheated on his wife…seriously…and you cheated too….did you really expect to live happily ever after? The man was not who you thought he was or needed him to be. Period.
In the beginning you were probably wonderful…a good listener…caring…loving…understanding….smart….and in the end you were probably too good, too caring, too loving, too understanding…and definitely too smart. He wanted you to save him and make it all better….but you never stood a chance….no one can fix us…just us.
I also understand that your feelings were genuine…even if his were not…and that you have been through a very traumatic experience….and survived. But you will still grieve the promise of what never was….it is only human. Please try to focus on your kids….especially the new one….a gift for sure….but she will have issues for sure….even inutero….children are not safe from their parents emotions. Focus your attention on the emotional health of your children and break the cycle. You did not end up in this relationship by accident…if I had to guess you are a survivor of child hood assault in one form or another….and if you don’t learn the lesson from this relationship….there will be another and another and another….you can not make yourself whole or validate yourself through another….it just can not be done. Why do you value yourself so little?….Would like to talk to you more about this if you are interested. I am a survivor myself…and survived several abusive relationships “including the one with myself” but suffer from Battered Women’s Syndrome for sure. But I survived and so can you.
Sending you a virtual hug…I do understand
Namaste
Amakua
In the beginning this started as a romance, but gradually descended into disaster? It is likely he had issues well prior meeting you so don’t blame yourself.. I would however suggest you start treating yourself well and never let a man, any man treat you so poorly, whether in the workplace or relationship. You need to live for your children not die for your abusive and troubled partner.
It is time for you to step up for your children and yourself. This is your time. Being single is a wonderful free time too, where you can focus on doing things you want to do.
I genuinely hopemthingsnwork out for the best. Stay well.
Hi amakua, sorry i dont know how to private email you on here, can you please email me at rcdc889@googlemail.com.
Will post a reply on here later, cheers x
Oh women love strong emotions don’t they?
Well too bad he turned out to be like that, maybe he was always like that but I wont say anything more about it.