fuck fuck fuck it all. i cried myself into a laughing hysteria and smashed the mirror with my bare hands. Fucking reflection. fucking animal. fuck you. it was early. perhaps 10 or 11 and i was bent on killing myself. there was an Intense discomfort inside myself and i was crawling out of my skin at last. I’m alive. fuck. “just die already you piece of shit” i thought to myself. The pain and scars from molestation, being held at gunpoint, constant abuse, anorexia, self harm, self acceptance. it all came down to this. i was wrapping a wool blanket around my head until i was unconcious. I was going to suffocate myself to death. I started standing and then as the blanket prevented air from entering my lungs i collapsed from lack of oxygen. i was beautiful, i was smart, i was loved, i was talented, i was everything that i wanted to be. it was the most comfort i had felt in a very, very, very long time. i was free. i’d give anything to feel that way again, but that is impossible. im still the same piece of shit as before. i felt my last breath drawing near in my subconscience, but then i heard one voice. his. “don’t die on me” he said. and with the little strength i had left i gathered myself enough to rip the blanket off of my face. i still want to die to this day.
1 comment
take your experience
multiply it by 15 times over again
then you have me.
death to me is always in the back of my head
find someone you love, have sex, have fun, do whatever, just dont…
be alone…