Darkness

I like walking through my house at night time.  When everybody else is asleep and there’s an eerie calm that flows through with the darkness to each room.  I like to think that’s what music would look like.  Not necessarily colorful and vibrant, as most people would think, just palpable and full of significance and meaning.

The flowing darkness sure has a mind of its own.  it seeps into every precipice, it fills every hole.  It doesn’t leave any corner untouched.

Every part of our world has experienced this darkness.  And yet, sometimes, it feels as though I am the only one who really knows what darkness is.  I’m the only one whose mind has been penetrated by its slippery, pulsating fingers.  They’ve pierced my eyes and now all I see is darkness, even in the happiest of situations.  The creeping black has clouded my smile, and now there is only a dark hole remaining which I do my very best to cover up with nervous, trembling lips.  The slithering, snaking void has entered my every pore.  It’s infiltrated my mind to the piont where all of my thoughts are tainted by shadows and poisoned with doubt and fear.

This is my darkness.  Devoid of sight, sound, and external influence.  It’s been with me wherever I’ve gone, and now we are one in the same, my darkness and I.  I act like I own it, but a lot of the time I exist with absence of coherent thought and acceptable intentions.  I exist as a shell to play host to the darkness as it ebbs and flows through my body, sometimes leaking out into the surrounding air to contaminate another victim.  It isn’t warm or cold, it doesn’t possess temperature.  It doesn’t possess anything.  But I am possessed by it.

This is the shadow on my mind preventing me from thinking clearly and being open to the light that others offer me.  Where there is the brightest light, there is the darkest shadow.  That is where I am, that is what’s controlling my mind.  I am surrounded by love and acceptance and all the things a girl could ask for, and all I know is the shadow in its wake.  It’s inside of me.