What’s the difference between love and obsession? Between panic and heartache?
I am in love with a woman I cannot talk to until the end of the month. Things ended disastrously; when the relationship was ending I panicked and made a foolhardy attempt to save it by attempting suicide; she left forever.
Deep within me I know I still love her, but all I hear is that it’s only obsession. I’ve heard that obsession can be delineated when the desire becomes harmful, painful. If that’s the case, then what is mourning but only an obsession with an individual that has died?
I know I’m going to contact her on a date that’s important to her during the height of the summer, but deep down I know it will only end terribly for me again and possibly for her again. But then there is a light of hope within me that illumes that darkness. A friend told me that I should just let go especially if I know talking with her again will only hurt her. However, what if there is a chance that my explanation can shed a light on the situation that she hasn’t seen? What if I can fix things? If I can, who would I be to not attempt to save that relationship?
I’ve tried everything that has worked for me in the past to get over relationships, but this one is so different. Nothing that I’ve tried, nothing that has always worked is working to help me get over her. Is it obsession or is it love? Who can rightly say? Can you, those who are reading this, judge someone so righteously?
I love her. The only time I question it is when I’m constantly told it’s only an obsession or walk away. It’s like two conflicting thoughts; one thought that is mine and the other the idea of part of the “world” screaming at me. It’s my voice against a scream, my feelings against those of who were not a part of the experience of that relationship.
Was my mistake so bad that I’m irredeemable in her eyes? Should I not have hope?
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What ended it? There had to be a reason. Sigh, anyways better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
She was busy with grad school. But the underlying issue was stress brought about from her need to go to anonymous meetings. I only realize now how much she was going through; I didn’t understand then and I didn’t give her enough space; I wanted her to tell me what was going on, but I didn’t give her time. We broke up and decided to take a week apart; then I acted rashly when I thought it was completely over and decided to attempt suicide; then I never heard from her again.
The biggest mistake of my life.
I would rather have not loved. The pain of loss is far too overwhelming for me.
Obsession is something you feel originally when you are attracted to someone. Love is something that is developed over the years. When you love someone you accept everything about them, even their ugly side and all their faults. Panic is what you feel when something happens, heartache is something you feel after something bad happens.
Girls forgive easily if you apologize properly. Give her some room and maybe she might forgive you. If not…
Some things have to fall apart so better things can fall together.
I hope you’re right about giving her room. I really do.
I have been on the other side of this coin. I don’t believe you are in love, I think you are obsessed. The difference is if you love someone, you care so much about their happines and well being that you would sacrifice your own to make them happy if absolutely neccesart. Obsession is selfish- you want the other person, regardless of what they want, regardless of their happiness and well being.
Ask yourself this: is being with someone who threatens suicide expressly to emotionally manipulate someone into staying with them really going to make this girl happy? Is that what she deserves? Or is it just what you want? why can’t you respect her decision if you love her so much?
I have a better idea. Work on becoming a better person, then let her make up her own mind if she thinks you’ve changed
I have respected her decision; I want nothing but for her to be happy and if that involves not being with me then so be it. I don’t want her regardless of what she wants or regardless of her happiness. There were things that were said on days prior that completely negates your whole position(things not said by me but by her).
My attempt at suicide wasn’t to emotionally manipulate her. It was something that was building for a couple of months and it just so happened that along with 3 other traumatic events not including the breakup I resolved to kill myself. I knew I’d never see or talk to her again; there was no manipulation.
Just because someone was obsessed with you doesn’t make every person in a situation that is comparable to yours exactly the same as yours. Blanket statements are never a good thing. And neither are assumptions.
For sure your motivation to suicide wasn’t only driven by her. But the decision to tell her about it… I can see no other reason for this, apart from trying to emotionally manipulate her, whether it was conscious or unconscious. You said you and yr girl were on a break. So there was no reason for you to tell her anything of what was going on with you. That is the whole point of a break.
Now, regardless of what you intent was here, put yourself in her shoes: what would he think? Surely you can appreciate that to her, this vey well could look like an attempt at emoional manipulation.
I know my situation is not the same as everyone elses. I also know how destructive it is for a relationship if either party is incapable of stepping outside of their own perspective, if neither can see things from smothers point of view. I’m just giving u a different perspective. Whether I am right or wrong is almost irrelevant, perspective is alway a valuable thing