What’s the difference between love and obsession? Between panic and heartache?
I am in love with a woman I cannot talk to until the end of the month. Things ended disastrously; when the relationship was ending I panicked and made a foolhardy attempt to save it by attempting suicide; she left forever.
Deep within me I know I still love her, but all I hear is that it’s only obsession. I’ve heard that obsession can be delineated when the desire becomes harmful, painful. If that’s the case, then what is mourning but only an obsession with an individual that has died?
I know I’m going to contact her on a date that’s important to her during the height of the summer, but deep down I know it will only end terribly for me again and possibly for her again. But then there is a light of hope within me that illumes that darkness. A friend told me that I should just let go especially if I know talking with her again will only hurt her. However, what if there is a chance that my explanation can shed a light on the situation that she hasn’t seen? What if I can fix things? If I can, who would I be to not attempt to save that relationship?
I’ve tried everything that has worked for me in the past to get over relationships, but this one is so different. Nothing that I’ve tried, nothing that has always worked is working to help me get over her. Is it obsession or is it love? Who can rightly say? Can you, those who are reading this, judge someone so righteously?
I love her. The only time I question it is when I’m constantly told it’s only an obsession or walk away. It’s like two conflicting thoughts; one thought that is mine and the other the idea of part of the “world” screaming at me. It’s my voice against a scream, my feelings against those of who were not a part of the experience of that relationship.
Was my mistake so bad that I’m irredeemable in her eyes? Should I not have hope?