so….im back. and im worse than ever. i seriously try so much to be happy, it just never happens!! EVER! i seriously want to die, if that will make all the pain go away. i cant stand this any longer. i try so hard, but it never happens. i miss him so bad..i know im stupid for being so depressed over a guy, but i cant help it. its just so easy to love him. but, whats so wrong with me? why cant he love me back anymore? he used too. whats the deifference now? i used to be happy. i wasn’t always like this. my family used to love each other. i honestly HATE my sister. with a passion. dont ask me why. because its too long to write. she RUINED my entire family. my mom used to be happy, now shes not, ever. she hurts me. bad. my brother used to be my best friend. now he moved out and barely comes around anymore. i’m slowly pushing all my friends away. the only friend i had was my ex, but now he will barely talk to me. he helped me through so much. through my cousins suicide, my mom abusing me, my dad hating me, my sister lying, my friends hating me. and now, i pushed him away..and hes not there anymore. i hurt, so bad. seems like the only time i AM happy is when i’m cutting, when i feel the razor slide down my wrist. i’m sick. i know. but i cant help it anymore. i hate myself.
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I wish I had an answer for you but I don’t. I am compelled to write because I feel very similar.
Girls have broken up with me out of the blue, for no reason.. There’s no other guy, they just don’t want to be with me anymore. (or at least that’s what they say).. that’s got to be the harshest form of rejection. At least I could accept if they found someone better/more compatible, but I can’t accept that they just don’t want to be with me. Am I that bad?
And even girls I’ve broken up with, it’s not that the feelings I have just disappear. They’re always there. So likewise with my ex, who cheated on me, who I would date again, is still a close friend but doesn’t want me in that way anymore. She and I get along so great I just don’t understand her reasons.
Unfortunately her explanation is the one I hear most often.. time and time again. I meet maybe 2 girls a year who I get extremely attracted to, and I’m always rejected, and I’m yet to find even 1 who approaches me. I’m not sure what I do wrong.
I’m also a cutter but I had to stop because people noticed and then I got so embarrassed. I’m trying to be normal again but it isn’t working. I’m still unhappy and miserable inside.
Finally someone who understands!
Haha. Everyone tells me I have my head on straight and seem to be more grounded and sane than most people.. So WTF then.. Must be that everyone else in my life is bonkers 🙂
cutting makes me feel better too but i have stopped to some degree because of the markings it leaves. i’ve found something that I find gives me much more enjoyment and is more socially acceptable, tattoo’s. Just don’t get stupid butterflies. I draw all my own. My first was after my dad died. The feeling is amazing, like a massage 🙂 just sharing my experience no need to flame me
i still cut a little but tiny cuts on my fingers tips. i squeeze the blood and paint with it… yeah i’m into some wierd shit
and yeah love sucks… my girlfriend of 5 years left me after my dad died and i was in bed fucking out and couldn’t do anything (didn’t know what was wrong with me yet).. there is no such thing as one soul mate.. this concept surprised me at first… but it was explained to me as there being “twin souls” and there being many of them… you’ll find true love again one day
nec
I think I found my closest soulmate ever but after things have gone smoothly for a very long time she suddenly got sketchy on me. I think I got overconfident and too bold too soon.
I don’t have any tattoos but I think I’m the type where if I get 1 I will end up getting 100.
Fuck. If it weren’t for my ***** sister I would be happily dead right now instead of having a breakdown. She was the reason I passed out frm blood loss yesterday and she’s doin it again. So I should thank her. Mayb one day I’ll die frm ths. Either way. U should just pull through. Or do what a random person told me. Take all your stuff. Al your sister suff. And all you parents stuff. And run away. Run away till you’ve run out of money an you know for sure that thers someone who cares that you wer gone.