I woke up this morning to a text on my phone, it was from my little sister. She’s 13 and I am almost 17. The text read “Helllo & good morning! π have a great day at school nevada! Don’t forget to leave Tina out! Love you!” (Tina is our dog and nevada is my nickname) Usually I take her to school, but on Wednesdays the high school starts later so we don’t get to see each other in the morning. Upon reading this text I realized I am doing something right. That little girl loves me with all her heart. She is not my only sister, I have 5. Three of them are younger than me, this one in particular has a twin. I am close to both of them, they are really the only people in my house I speak to. A few years ago, a lot of drama happened with my older sister and I felt really abandoned. My parents never tell me they love me and they stopped showing they cared much. I made it my duty to make sure my little sisters didn’t feel like I did. I became the best sister ever, I was like their second mom. They were in 3rd grade when it started. I helped them with homework and I kissed them goodnight. I told them I loved them and made sure they knew I cared. (I was 12 or 13)We became so close.
However, last year, when my older sister was kicked out, my parents suddenly had more of an interest in us. A part of me hates them for making me feel the way I did. It was frustrating that my little sisters just went along with it and accepted them again. We grew farther apart for awhile, but lately we are super close. They will never really understand what I did for them, but it doesn’t matter. I wouldn’t change a thing. My parents accuse me of “brainwashing” and “bullying” them into being like me… but I don’t. That kind of hurts, I know they don’t want them to turn out like me. I don’t speak to my parents really, I’m not ready to yet. They get so angry because of it. They don’t understand though. I have an eating disorder, sometimes I refuse to eat and other times I throw up. I have also cut a few times. My parents don’t take anything seriously though. My counselor at school recommended I be put in therapy and tested for mental disorders and they ignored her until the 3rd warning. Then when at the therapists office my dad lied about me. He said he noticed no weight loss and I was doing this all for attention. My teacher tried reassuring me they are just in denial, but it still hurts. Others have suggested my parents emotionally neglect me, but I try to not think of that as an option.
My little sisters don’t know any of my issues. I would like to keep it that way until we are old. They look up to me and I don’t want to be a bad example. Sometimes I feel guilty, maybe I have brainwashed them, maybe i should make sure they don’t turn out like me (not that they have eating disorders, just their personalities and opinions) Sometimes I feel guilty that they tell me they love me more than they have ever told my parents they love them.But when my sisters do things, like the text I received this morning, I feel like I’m doing something right. I just want them to be good people, I want what is best for them. I don’t want them to suffer like I have. I am so lucky that i am the one that became sick, because if it was them I wouldn’t be able to take it.
Thinking about them makes me feel like suicide isn’t an option. They need to be told they are loved every day. They really do need me.This is why I stay alive for the people that love me π
7 comments
You’re not brainwashing. Your sisters are lucky to have someone kiss them goodnight and assure they are loved. And, you are lucky to have your sisters.
I can relate so much to everything your saying,and I think you are an amazing sister!! I’m so glad that you know that you matter and how important you are and how much they love you,even in those moments when you struggle and don’t see clearly how much you are worth. I have an eating disorder too,and two younger brothers and their mom (half brothers) is so self absorbed,she’ll be there for them when she wants to be and when it’s convenient for her,but not when it isn’t or when she doesn’t want to be. my poor dad tries but he struggles being a single parent,so I stepped up and did the same as you,I just tell them how proud I am to be their sister and how proud I am that they are such good people,and I tell them I love them and how great they are everyday. I wish someone would have done that for me,maybe if I would’ve had someone who loved me instead of emotionally abusing me and putting me down,I wouldn’t have become sick.if I would have had someone stable in my life,even the bad circumstances wouldn’t have been anywhere near as bad. they are really lucky to have such a good sister. and I understand the ed aspect too-I first got sick at 15 and I’m 19 now. but you seem like such a kind person to me,I think your parents would be lucky if their other children turn out as kind and caring as you. hang in there! π
Sweet story. The title is kinda true. A few days ago I received a similar text & an email from 2 of my friends and the words ‘I love you’ made my day. Thanks for reminding me. Depression just smacks me in the head, causing me to forget the littlest joys.
Ho ho… *Pats you on the back* You’re doing a lot of good. Keep it up.
You’re very nice. My parents emotionally neglected and emotionally abused me and my sister. Unfortunately, it did not have the same effect on my sister. She in turn bullied me worse. When i finally told her i was hospitalized for a suicide attempt she said i better not tell my parents because. I which i would never tell them anyway. I do not talk to any of them anymore.
I appreciate you doing that for your sisters. I know it would have made such a big difference in my life and things would be different if my sister did not bully me and was not competitive for affection. She has it all now that i am out of the picture. They are nicer to her which she deserves it. She got a masters and is working on a doctorate. I only have a diploma.
I hope you feel better. I really do not think that is brain washing. How is being there for someone emotionally brainwashing?
Children are very resilient.
And they also have a strong empathic sense.
So they can tell whose love is deepest for them.
That is why they emulate you.
Your parents are so focused on there on issues that they do not seem to have much time for you and your sisters.
By you stepping in you probably prevented your sisters from being depressed and hurt.
You are more wonderful than even you know.
Absolutely….along with that sentiment is the courage to tell ourselves how much we unconditionally love and appreciation ourselves. Beautiful!