i’m tired. i don’t wanna be depressed anymore. if i can’t be happy, i’d rather end everything now. i’m living on 15th floor. it has a balcony. it’s so tempting. i can just jump off the balcony, then eveything will end in a second… right?
i just keep think of my mom. she kinds of knows that i’m depressed again. i don’t wanna let her down, but i still wanna end everything. i have no hope. no reason to live for.
a while ago, after writing a short memo, i went out to the balcony and sat on the edge of the wall, looked down. no one was there. but came back. i might try again, to get familar and then finally jump off.
if i didn’t have mom or dad to think about, i so could have done this already, much easier.
well… i will just go see. to the balcony again. i might be able to actually do it this time. wish me good luck. if i succeed, damn. it was a short life. i’m 22 years old. and my parent will have to fly all the way from home to here, only to bring my dead body back home. if that happens, i’m truly sorry. but i love you. bye.
6 comments
why not just go to a club or something instead?… sorry I suck at at advice, but I think I’m the only one online right now. want to talk?
do your parents know you are like this? maybe it’ll help if they do, give them a call.
I understand what you mean about not wanting to let your parents down. I feel exactly the same. It would be just so much easier if people didn’t care.
But when you’re dead, you can’t experience their pain. It’s horrendously selfish, but I’m not meaning it to sound like that- I’m meaning to say to you that I’m in the same position, only I’m on the second floor and if I jumped, I’d probably just hurt my toe or something.
So you jump if it feels right. But if there is anything at all holding you back, or if there is anything you want to do before you jump, then step down from the edge and do those things today. There’s always tomorrow.
hay im really good with advice and things might be going bad now but your in your 20’s and you are so young you have your whole like ahead of you. what you need to do is get out of the house. go to a friends or have girly nights and as for not wanting to let your parents down trust me i know that feeling.. anyway i was told that the mening of happiness is not being happy with your life its knowing about the problems over coming them and smileing through it all and in the end knowing that because of all the bad things that have happened to you that you have got through you are now a stronger person for it!!!! that is my advice / opinion on what you have wrote!!!! x x
Please don’t end it. There is always a way back. If I can help, then I will… Anything. I’m here in the U.K thinking of you, where ever you may be, hoping that things will be O.K.
Find your strength and fight, you deserve life!
x
I’ve fought depression all my life. I’m now 52. So I offer this:
I read an article awhile back about suicides and the Golden Gate Bridge (The New Yorker). It was just about people who jumped there, and all of the stuff they tried to do to prevent it, etc. etc. *** Of the many thousands who jumped, the great majority died, but something like 40 or so lived. One guy the writer interviewed said, “I realized that everything that I thought was wrong with my life had a solution… EXCEPT for the fact that my hands had just let go of the railing…” That blew my mind. Just about everyone else who survived had a similar epiphany.
So, as others have said, one day at a time. You’ll get through this. Just keep walking, having some faith, maybe you’ll have to work harder than you thought you’d have to.
At one point in my early 30s, I was going through a really tough time — a lot of bad stuff all at once. I remember sitting outside sobbing. I felt like my heart was literally breaking, because I just never imagined that life could be so hard, or so cruel. And I thought I was working, and trying, as hard as I possibly could; that I could not do any more, or take any more. That probably sounds very mundane without all the details… but I just had sort of an epiphany after sitting out there for a long time. And I thought, goddammit, BRING IT ON. I’ll work harder; try harder; whatever I need to do. I don’t know where that strength came from. I think it was sort of a God thing. Hope that makes some sense.
Sending angels. xx