all i want is this

to be able to hold your hand when you’re shaking from fatigue or frustration

to kiss the back of your neck when i see you at the university

to pick up the phone and call you whenever i want to hear your voice

to hold you until i absorb every bad thing that’s ever happened to you

to feel like you love me even half as much as i love you

…

But I know this won’t happen. We’ll go back to being perfect strangers in the company of others, and once every few days, when neither of us have a class too early the following morning, you’ll invite me over to your apartment to watch a scary movie and things will inevitably end with you between my legs, kissing my collarbone and me holding the back of your neck and feeling like my very heart will burst from how much utter love it contains… and then I’ll go home, and you’ll go to sleep, and we’ll both go to class in the morning and not say more than two words to each other and I’ll sit on the downstairs soda with a lap full of sheet music and wish, wish, wish that I had the courage to do the right thing: tell you I love you, tell you to stop jerking me around and tearing my heart out piece by piece… but most importantly, leave if you won’t.