ok..so im hopelessly confused. im loyal, il doin anything for people,i consider everyone a friend, il keep your secrets, my friends and family come first in life. yet my parents insult me my sister hits me im a cutter iv been depressed since i was 11 its been 3.5 yrs now. im called every swear word known to man at school. im stared at im shunned yet i seem to make all of this look like a lie by covering it up acting like a perfectly healthy teen. somedays i pull throughother days people broke my “wall” and i fell in a ditch that i now must climb out of. honestly i dont know what i did to people to make them hate me unless its the fact of just me having the ability to breathe iv tried many times to stop that ability yet i fail. wtf did i do wrong!
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People can be just fuckin’ mean. I’m in kind of a bad place right now but I’m 44. I have to tell you my 20’s and 30’s were great. Just wait it out. Once you get to college things change. It may take a couple years away from home to leave that shit behind but you can be who you want to be. You can have great love affairs and get your heart broken (but not trade the experience for anything). You can find a few people in college who had just as fucked up a home life as you and compare notes (I did). You can go see the school shrink and get some great meds to balance your mood out if that’s what you need. When I was 15 y.o. someone started a fight with me EVERY DAY after school. I thought everyone hated me. Winning almost every fight didn’t make me feel any better. It just made me feel like a violent monster like my dad. All I’m saying is your teen years are not reality. They are just a dream, sometimes a nightmare. You’ll wake up in a few years and realize life can be how you make it.
I couldn’t agree more with the post before mine. My only addition would be to focus on getting good marks in high school. DO THE BEST YOU CAN IN SCHOOL SO YOU CAN GET FREE MONEY FOR COLLEGE AND GET OUT OF THERE. That’s what I did and I am a very content student with my own place in my college town. Best of luck to you.
Your problem is that you have no self respect. No one will respect you if you can’t respect yourself. I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened to you to make you think so lowly of yourself. But people can be bullies, and bullies are attracted to easy targets. Best way to gain respect from others is to not let them treat you like a doormat. Next time your parents insult you, stand up for yourself. Next time your sister hits you, fight back. People swear at you, swear back. Cutting doesn’t help, either. Good luck, hope you take care of yourself.
Society is completely messed up, and it is always the nice people who get treated the worst. I know exactly what you feel like. Always doing anything for anyone, being there fo everyone, even if you feel like your dieing inside your there for someone else, even when your at your lowest of lows you put others first yet you go treated the worst. YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG. you are amazing. other people are the people who have things wrong with them, you don’t have anything wrong. I cut too, i feel exactly the same as you.
I have to ad if your grades aren’t great don’t get discouraged. I had buddies who were some of the worst students in school and graduated with low GPAs from college and still got good jobs (big secret, nobody gives a shit what your grades were in school except for grad schools). If you can’t get scholarships you can always get those government student loans you don’t have to start paying on until graduating. My ex girlfriend was a “cutter” also and she grew out of it. Just wanted you to know, the fun hasn’t even started yet in your life. I also know a few gals who joined the military out of high school and had a lot of fun (mostly AF and Navy). There are people who “peak” in their teens and then spend the rest of their lives missing how much fun they had as the captain of the football team or prom queen. I can promise you if you wait it out you will look back on all the bad shit that is happening to you and laugh (as long as it’s not like sexual abuse or anything). Enough trying to relive my college years and beyond through you, LOL. Don’t lose heart and if you knock yourself off in your teens you’ll be missing out on the best part of life.
that makes sense..and ya i have shitty grades im failing every class and iv passed most of the year with D`s..god damn i need to find something to do with my life
@feelingempty: i can finaly say.. someone who gets me:)