Trying to make sure I do my method of falling asleep peacefully. Not sure it is going to happen. Not depressed, not in pain other than the normal chronic health problems. Which I was hoping would do me in but the doc says nope, Mr… you can live with this. /begin sarcasm  Lol. Out of the men in my family I’m the lucky one not killed by disease. /end sarcasm
I stopped taking the meds months ago. Hurts but not as much as the insomnia, the freqent urination, the weakness and joint pain.. agh.
At least it wasnt as bad as the chemo years ago. My hair actually grew more from going through that. Gah I should have let that kill me but they actually put it in remission and i’ve been rid of that issue for years. Overly emotional family.
Just tired. Especially of this stupid job. And no point in looking for another one so near to my death date.  Just seems like our engineering department is plain old misguided and nonensical. Making my job harder havingt o train my team on even less workable database solutions.
Plus my little cousin is paralyzed now. 10 years old and some drunkard hit them in the car.
Sorry for the rant folks.
9 comments
Sorry for your illness and sadness and that you seem to have to counter balance that overly emotional family. Though glad you are daring to feel nonetheless.
I’m guessing your cousin will be inspired by your endurance and you seem to have a place in your heart for children if not legacy databases. I’m guessing if you procrastinate on your date long enough he might inspire you too.
Insomnia sucks. Heres a partial list of what has helped me sleep:
bright light in am
dim lights starting at sunset
no blue light at night (including pesky diodes on alarm clocks)
magnesium supplements (CALM is a good brand, some calcium too from raw/freeze dried sources)
no food 4 hours before bed
no caffiene after 1 pm
bedroom cooled to 68 degrees at least (colder better so long as you’ve got balankets/dogs/warm bodied company)
sex alone or not
melatonin (esp as we age)
cat nip tea (if you’re having to go to the bathroom a lot anyway cause it is a diuretic)
alcohol but not so much as I age and clear spirits such as vodka apparently are less likely to cause early wake up type insomnia
music
a regular schedule
…When are you going to do it? :/
<3.
When I was a kid my auntie decided to decorate my room. She painted this clown on the wall and it used to scare the shit out of me. When I got older the Walls got painted over and the room was not as depressing.
I’m so sorry about your cousin. I hate people who drink and drive. I once had to resort to biting the hand of a drunk girl to get her to drop the car keys. People think it’s all a big joke, it makes me so angry.
How’s he/she doing anyway?
@Nat
End of May is my target date. the last day.
Our fiscal year ends and I’ll probably be off using the last of my paid vacay for two weeks.
@MyToo,
The meds caused the problems. I just had to get back normal.
@Duke,
Interesting. Thanks for sharing that.
@one-day,
You know kids. Recovering slowly but resilient.
Still have that innocence and hope so I am sure she will be fine.
Hopefully she gets a miracle and can walk again.
Thanks for the concern.
Your welcome Owen. I was trying to say that your surroundings can often affect they way you feel. I know that your problems may run deeper but at least it’s some consolation when things start to look brighter.
My birthday’s at the end of may…
@Duke I gotcha.
My issue is all me my friend.
Even a change of scenery would not work now.
I’m a stubborn old cuss.
@Nat, what day is your birthday?
I’ll tell you what. Since your bday is that week I’ll hang around a bit.
Do not want to ruing your special day.
22nd… But i have some..plans. So i guess it doesn’t matter…