I bought a regulator today on ebay for 70 bucks. It’s supposed to work for helium, ******** and argon. Made by Lincoln Electric. I called the welding supply a couple weeks ago, I think it’s a bit more than $100 for a smaller sized ******** tank. I’m undecided as whether to go ******** or helium, and feel somewhat lost though I am doing the research online as to how to go about this. I am pretty scared. I’ve chickened out so many other times, overdosing, trying to get my nerves up to be able to jump from a 7 story parking structure. Though after looking at many gruesome pictures of completed suicides, I’m not sure if having my limbs contorted and my brains spilled over the concrete is a way I want to go, as beautiful and liberating as it is to stand on that ledge and look outwards. I took a box of Benadryl a few weeks ago, not to kill myself, but because someone told me the experience would help me somehow and I was desperate enough to try it. Ended up throwing up all over my floor, hallucinating and feeling sick. Slept for three days then stayed up for two days after. Lied to my doctor and the police he called when they came by and said I was fine.
I’m really scared, but I think I’m going to get this ready in the next couple weeks.
31 comments
I wrote a post called
the Suicide
On here not long ago.
Please read it and ask me about it.
Om shanti
They sell helium tanks for birthday party balloons at the Walmart near my house. They’re only about $30 and they have enough gas as long as you set the regulator right. They hold about 250 liters of helium at STP. The fitting might be the same as on the tanks at the welding supply so it could work with your regulator . Does your regulator allow for a setting of about 10 liters per minute? Exhale completely then put your head into the bag that is filled with helium or ******** and breath in as deeply as you can. If you get it right you can lose consciousness on the first breath. As long as the bag stays more or less over your head you’ll get about 25 minutes with no oxygen which is plenty for causing a lovely peaceful death. My wife asked me not to kill myself while she’s working on her PhD. She’s done so many wonderful things for me that I feel obliged to comply. I have about a year and a half of waiting left. I smoke a lot of pot and I drink a lot to supplement the anti depressants, mood stabilizers, and anti psychotics. I didn’t start out with the intent to hijack your post. I feel a little bit like I can relate to your situation so I thought I would share some of my own. I hope that’s okay. I used to be a complete believer in the “just say no to drugs” mentality. Now I feel like I had been brainwashed with propaganda. Smoking pot reduces how much I hate being alive. Getting really high and eating delicious food and fucking is really pleasant. The only drag is that later reality comes back. I have a therapist who is doing a drug study using a synthetic marijuana to treat mental illness. He’s having lots of success. It’s funny looking at all of the drug trials for psych meds. In general none of them work as well as exercise. If only exercise was as easy as taking a pill. Being high on pot makes exercise a little easier for me but it’s still super hard. I’m also super scared of dying. It’s weird how that built in desire to stay alive doesn’t go away even when life sucks. Is the fear one of the biggest things that’s stopping you? I saw a YouTube video of some old Australian nurse explaining the helium suicide trick. She did a good job it might be worth trying to find. It’s nice to have a method that doesn’t have any super severe side effects if it fails. I also like the beauty and freedom of free falling to death but the fear of becoming a quadriplegic is an effective deterrent. Okay, I’m done now. Thanks for letting me ramble on your post. I hope you figure something out that makes things suck less for you, whether or not that means death doesn’t really matter I suppose.
Good night.
Hello, I never inhaled ******** before; yesterday night I went over to a friend’s and he had a canister where we could take hits of ********. Gave me a slight headache in the back of my head after a few hits, a very mild high which only lasted a couple of minutes. I’m not sure if it was the whipped cream can that he used or the ******** charges he used, but it tasted slightly sweet to the breath. It breathes in easily, alters your voice just a tiny bit. Made my friend a little woozier than it made me. I paid for the regulator but it hasn’t arrived yet. Why is it you want to kill yourself john? I feel a lot more at peace now that I’m trying to settle plans and do it by planning instead of on impulse.
I think conventional consensus is that either inert gas will accomplish he same result when administered correctly. The up side for helium is that since it is sold in party balloon kits it is readily accessible without a “cover story” and it’s inexpensive. The upside for ******** is that it is considered by some as “more natural” since the earth’s atmosphere is made of over 70% or so of ********, the body will be more accepting.
All things I have read is that there is no appreciable difference other than cost and availability
gas dawg
You’re kind JJ. I rant all over your post and you ask for more of my story. It’s nice to hear that you’ve found a little bit of peace with your plans.
Voice change is due to the fact that the speed of sound is different in different gasses.
I have problems with mental illness. Existing inside my mind is troublesome but not particularly connected to reality. I have good days where I’m just like everybody else and I have other days where things aren’t as good (what I mean by not as good is that they are absolutely fucking terrible).
I just read your ‘hello’ post from last month. I, also, wish that death was an acceptable choice. Why do you think there is so much resistance to allowing it as a choice?
That’s neat that you study psych. I know lots of people that study psych at the graduate level but only a couple that study clinical most of the others are researchers. My clinical friends think I’m fun. My psychiatrist is also a Prof at the local university and she lets my friends studying clinical psych sit in on our appointments. Then after each appointment my clinical friends get to be my own team of apprentice therapists and we talk about the mysteries of being crazy.
I’m working on a degree in mechanical engineering. I work with military helicopters. I’ve had some neat chances to help people in other countries whose lives really sucked. That still doesn’t seem to make our first world problems any less painful. Humans are weird. We seem to automatically adapt to make pain really really painful regardless of how severe the pain actually is.
In your ‘hello’ post you said you wanted someone to talk to. I’m really bad at understanding emotions and I tend to suck at empathy but I’ve got lots of time. If you want someone to share your story with I’d be happy to listen.
I don’t really have a story. Just another girl with another broken heart. Honestly I’m tired of regurgitating what I’ve said over and over again with everyone.
Well, for me at least, the resistance to allowing death as a choice.. is simply because my friends and family love me. I’m sure there are others who think time and effort will heal and life will become worthwhile again, and they don’t support an exit which is so final and the other side of the door is unknown. Some may oppose it for religious reasons.
My regulator came yesterday. If I can drag myself out of bed today, I’m going to go get a 40 cu. of ******** at the local welding supply.
For me it’s family too. They’re the ones that make me stop.
My shrink suggested I start taking uppers to kick the depression. I’m starting to wonder where she went to school.
I would imagine your heart would naturally beat faster to try and get oxygen around that is becoming depleted … but my question is did you feel like you were suffocating? were you gasping for air? it’s the breathing/suffocating alarm response that using ********/helium is supposed to fool … if your breathing remained stable then it would seem it was working correctly and that it was not CO2 build up. I’m certainly interested in more details if you care to share
educated guess dawg
my thinking … and mind you, i’ve yet to try this method yet, is that you’d have noticed your breathing first, long before you ever noticed your heart racing … the dizziness in from the lack of O2 in the bloodstream … which from what i’ve researched, means you were getting relatively close to blacking out.
FYI – i’f you have a heart attack, doesn’t that kind of get you “two for the price of one” … I mean, if you’re doing this, the goal is death so it would seem that the ******** was doing it’s job and the heart attack would have been ‘icing on the cake” … I don’t think “cripple” would have been an option … the selling point of the method is that it’s not painful or grotesque.
physically it makes sense for the heart to race … think of it like being under water in a pool … the difference is you don’t get the horrific panic of not being able to breathe … but the heart is still going to try to move t as much O2 as possible … maybe this is the difference between ******** and helium? maybe helium doesn’t cause the heart to race? my research suggests that helium actually leeches the O2 from the system.
all the best
studious dawg
bill – i’d be interested in knowing if you got a regulator or, if not, how did you set the flow rate? and the size of tank, cost etc.
dawg
Except wearing a grenade vest while skydiving with no parachute over a remote part of the ocean. Explode grenade vest, seconds after biting a cyanide pill. Foolproof
yes – you are absolutely correct – it goes without saying … that said, no matter how you slice it, there’s always going to be that point where you are causing damage in order to achieve the goal of death – it’s unavoidable. whichever method is chosen, you still have to cross that line.
i’m not trying to be argumentative – just trying to spit ball ideas and compare notes so when the time is right you me or anyone else can get where we’re trying to go as efficiently and painlessly and most importantly – successfully
calm dawg
Well, I’m up for trying this method. After being depressed for several years, going through several psychiatrists in Germany, the USA and Mexico, having tried around 25 different treatments; sets of pills, even the newest shit, with no improvement, only getting worse to the point that I do not even want to get better, i just want to die. After crashing my car at 200km/h and suffering not a single scratch, standing so many times at the edge of a cliff, bridge, 10 story balconies, wearing a thick rope with a proper knot and not having the balls either to jump the 3.5 meter drop (i’m 1.70m high and weight around 60kg so i need to fall another 1.70m in order to break my neck), also tried couple of times just from a chair and hang there for 30 mins (though the suffering was tremendous and i can say that its true that you get a hard on), they all have failed, either someone found me, I couldn’t stand the suffering from hanging and pulled myself up the rope, or i didn’t have the balls to jump, and when i tried helium tanks, it was either not pure (maybe had a bit of oxygen) and i was there with my head inside the bag for 20 mins just with a headache, feeling dizzy and hearing a super high unbearable buzz at my ears.
The only thing is in Germany its a bit hard to get the ******** tank and i don’t even know where, so I guess i’ll just wait til I go to Mexico for the summer and have a tank filled up at any posh mechanical workshop. I am certainly not afraid of dead, i’m just afraid of suffering or ending up crippled, a cousin of mine tried it with insuline, she was found, resuscitated and now is just retarded and can’t even whipe her ass by herself.
What i would do is go to someplace remote and die there, i feel disgusted about society, friends and family making a funeral… As you said before, it sucks to live in a society where it is preferable to have a life that you hate rather than no life. And what pisses me the most is when they say oh but you have a dream-life, you shouldn’t be depressed, i just wish this bunch of assholes knew what it feels to have 163 IQ and not being able to use it cause you can’t even concentrate to hop off on the right subway station…
Get the valve, set it to around 7 or 8 liters per minute at atmosphere pressure. Be sure to do it someplace where you know you will not be disturbed for at least a couple of hours, maybe more, to avoid the possibility of an imbecil trying to revive you.
I tried this method and here is what went wrong… I did this about 7 days ago… I had bought a hug 2000 psi tank of ******** from airgas. I had a mask and a bag. I also had 45-50 sleep pills ambient or the generics zopliem or something like that. I wrote out letters and left notes for the items that I had but weren’t mine. I also left notes in sealed envolpes with notes for people I care for and wanted to let them know my final thoughts. I was all set and ready. I true was ready… I filled the bag with the tank and had the mask inside the bag. I place the mask over my face and the bag over my head. People say you don’t feel anything I felt a numbing or a tingling sensation all over my body. I don’t know if it was just the bag over the head that freak me out but I pulled the bag off and use the mask I had all the holes cover so it was just the gas I would be breathing in. I slow down my breathing and tried to relax which I managed. From then on I don’t remember what happened but ask you can see I am still here and I woke up in the hospital with IV in my arm… OOo I also wait about 10 min after I took the pills so they would have a chance to kick in so i would hopefully be more relaxed. But I think that was my problem. After the last thing I remember was putting the mask back on and breathing in slow and deep. I called a friend and they had rescue to my house in matter of mins… I was found 3 – 4 rooms away on the floor between the door to my garage and my fireplace. I was no where near where the mask was and I don’t know how I ended up there. I woke up about 12 hours later in the hospital with the IV in my left arm. I was chaptered and sent to a mental hospital for 3 days which sucked ass also these place dont count weekends and holidays as a day. So I was there for 4 days and I was relase 2 days ago. I hated the treatment center and I did whatever I could go get out. They said they usually keep paitients that do this kind of attempt longer in the mental hospital but I was cut a break: I think because I am a firefighter and I was telling them what they wanted to hear. I am glad to be out of the mental hospital but I still feel very depressed and even more so cause of my failed attempt. I was picked up buy my co-works and driven to the hospital that we drop patients off at… I am very embarassed and I wish that I would have died that night. I don’t know if anyone else out there has ever had a fail attempt at ******** with the bag over the head. I think my main mistake was taking all the ambeint… I should have only taken 1-2 just to help me get to the stage of where I was about to fall asleep. I think the ambeint made me physically pick up the phone call talk to somone and run around my house like a chicken with his head cut off untill I eventually passed out on the floor in the other side of my house… I was very upset… I felt so bad for my parents. I feel so embarassed. Now I have to see a bunch of doctors and crap I don’t want to do but I have to cause I am on probation. I wish that I would have died that night. I can’t stop thinking about suicided. I try to keep busy but any downtime I have I ended up thing about ways to kill myself. I know if I say that to my doctor which I don’t want to lie to they are going to send me to the mental hospital or chapter me again. There is no way I am going back there. Any idea’s is Helium do able just don’t use sleeping pills? I have heard on some sites that helium has air mixed in now for party baloons are these rumors true cause I would not want to wake up brain dead but phyically alive… How much Helium is needed. I know peopel say its a heliem tank not reusable but is there only one size that is a large and a certain brand that is for sure 100% helium?
Thanks for the post.
I still want to die. I don’t want to live. I wish that night would have been different. i would say if i did it again I wouldn’t take so many Ambient cause of what happened. I don’t know how helium would be but I am thinking about give that a try. Currently I am on a bunch of meds and crap and I am trying to give that a chance but i don’t think its going to work. I still wish that it would have ended differently…. The people I work with and see when I am at work saw me in the condition I was in… I wish that I could just die in my sleep. I have though about using a 12 gauge shot gun but I don’t want to screw up and ended up bleeding out while I am a bloody mess lying on the ground. I almost wish I had someone to help me or somethhing. Shoot me while I am sleeping. IDK I have though of taking sleeping pills and ducktaping a garbage bag over my head and fall asleep and hope I don’t wake up. I would also ducktape my hands behind my back so i couoldn’t accidently riip the bag off my head. I also though about haning myself and taping the hands behind my back and also to my feet and kick a bucket or a chair out from underneath me and die that way. But i have a feeing that would be a horrible way to go. I would want a for sure way to die. No change of brain damage or waking up the next morning. I thought about going to vegas and finding some herion and injecting a shit ton untill I pass out and hopefully overdose. I don’t know anymore. I never thought in my life that i would ended up this way. I am giving the doctors a try but I don’t think its helping that much. I don’t want to live a life of pill popping and crap like that.
Hello, I still happen to be here. My mom came to visit from halfway across the world, then I had a friend call the police so I spent a week in a mental hospital. I went and bought my tank of ******** yesterday. $95 bucks for a 20 cubic ft tank. Wasn’t sure if it’d be large enough, I really have no idea of measuring if that is enough or not. I’m looking that up still for now. Apparently I just need to pay the difference for the tank if I want to size up. Now I need a plastic bag for my head. I’ve read that oven bags work best, any recommendations?
So, I’ve been trying to do a practice run. I don’t have a oven bag yet so I grabbed the only plastic bag I had in my room. The part I’ve having trouble figuring out is, do I fill the bag then pop it over my head, or put the bag over my head, try to squeeze out as much air then fill it? The bag I have isn’t see through so I had a bit of trouble testing it out. I wanted to see how long it would take for me to pass out (before I actually commit to dying), so I tried squeezing as much air out of the bag while it was over my head, then tried filling it with some ********. I took deep breaths – nothing. I’m not entirely sure how I feel about dying, but even if I follow through with it, there are some loose ends I want to tie up. Getting my advance directive (living will) set up, in case I end up a vegetable from being resuscitated, and returning some things that don’t belong to me, as well as revising my will. Honestly I don’t have much of value, so it’d be more for my own reasons rather than to distribute any estate. I have to admit, I am terrified sometimes. I think it may be instinctual.
Oh, and also a couple other technical things. I’ve read anywhere from 5 liters per minute to 15 liters per minute for the flow; I want it to be sufficient but not run out so I end up brain dead but not physically dead. Do you think 20 cubic ft. would be enough? I know for helium they recommend two 8.9 standard party balloon size tanks.
jjgirl13,
you sound young and not ready to go,you can find some comfort knowing you can go anytime you want this way but! not over a broken heart this is a regular and normal thing happens to everyone perhaps several times that you can get through, theres another heart out there just beggin to be broke by you as well,unless your really terminally ill or have a real mental disabilty that needs to end because life just isn’t worth living,don’t concider doing anything like this,work on dreams and goals.another thing don’t screw around testing stuff unless you are a 100% sure of what your doing so you don’t wind up really sorry if you know what i mean. nothing wrong with venting i feel your pain.
I can feel your pain
I can feel your struggle
You just want to live
But everything so low
That you can drown in the puddle
So, just arrived in Mexico and ready to go do some shopping… Wish me luck…
I was about to go take a shower and chanced upon this page. I won’t be able to understand exactly how you feel, nor able to experience what you have been through, but I would like to say that I have attempted suicide before and I am glad I survived it. And I won’t try it again. Let me explain why.
Back then, everything about me sucks. My life sucks, I have no friends and no money and my parents are retards. I have absolutely nothing to look forward to, because of my family problems, I skipped school and my results were affected. I see no future at all. I attempted suicide. Fast forward what I survived, I am glad God didn’t allow me to take my life that day. I am living reasonably happy now. I finally understand life has ups and downs, and when I was down, I had depressive thoughts, and it make me feel that life is never going to have any ups, but no matter what, eventually life do gets better. This is something, having experienced a few depressive periods of my life, I came to understand.
I read about this homeless girl who said once, “I was homeless but I am not hopeless”. Hope is very important. You need it.
I don’t know why you’re so sad. I read that you’re heartbroken, I wish I was your boyfriend who can cure your broken heart but I don’t think I can. I just don’t want you to make a foolish decision that doesn’t affects just you, it affects everyone who loves you and care for you.
Suicide is not a good decision for 99.9% of time, because you will never get to experience how happiness is like… As I’ve said, life has ups and downs. When you’re down, you have depressive thoughts, this is normal… but I want you to know eventually things do get better, maybe it takes a few months, maybe 1 year, but eventually I promise things do get better. I promise you that because I have faith in God, that he put you on this planet for a reason, and you better believe that reason is a very special reason.
If you need someone to talk to, drop me an email eric_smilez@hotmail.com
I have been alone and crying to myself before, when I feel the world collapsed on me, and nobody cares about me at all, and that’s a bad feeling. At that time, I wished somebody would talk to me, anybody… it’s hard to explain… but if you need to talk to somebody, write me or whatzapp me.
I am sorry if this comment offends its just a thought…being a fire fighter do you not have access to equiment that could be used with helium-special mask fitting? Derek Humphries mentioned fire fighter mask in his blog but no info on it? I have a friend who is a ff and could make up excuse for wanting one. Could he even access one any way in Uk? Thanks hope u r feeling better.
Hi John Doe. I don’t think a sedative medication is a good company for inert because this sedative medication such benzos tempt to slowing down the respiration which is mean you need to spend more of amount of gas and time to get there. Just a thought, I could be wrong. I my self depend on them right now since I cannot sleep any longer without them, I have fatal insomnia from damage sleep cycle system neurons in my thalamus caused by heavy amount of toxic nucleus fluoride antibiotic four months ago which is my reason to try to ctb. Even with them, I can only sleep max of two hours a in a peaceful night, with nightmares. So my immune system is greatly falling. I self witness my self dying with many other physical pains and organ damages everyday. Not to forget conscious seizures, twitching and many others. My depression is a result of the physical problem, not the cause. So when I am ready to ctb, I would take as low dose of those psychotropic tabs to save my ******** flow. I am not afraid, just don’t want it failed.
I got a ******** Pure 10Lt (oxygon free) on eBay for £102 including delivery so not to bad, better work for that price though!! 😀 There was a 2lt for much less but better to be save then sorry. I need to order a regulator now but very confusing what to go for, to many to chose form and until I see the cylinder I have no idea :-/
Ant, this post is from 2012 so the author may not still be around.
Well you never know lol, if they are still around after 4 years of attempts then it could be worth while getting some tips on what not to do…. Can’t keep splashing out £100 on gas 😀
True – how thoughtful of you 🙂
My thoughts are I hope they was successful and no longer here if that’s what they wanted. Nothing worse then failing and starting the planning all over again >:-( I wasted £60 on helium just a month or so ago, very frustrating.
I was being sincere about you being thoughtful by giving tips. I mean, 4 years of wanting to die and not being successful…. I wouldn’t want anybody to die in this way but I would be a hypocrite to tell somebody not to if it’s what they really truly wanted and wasn’t just a moment of despair. So I’m agreeing with you.
How did you end up wasting that much on helium? Did something go wrong? (PS: I know you’re new, we are really not supposed to discuss methods on here, as per the rules.)