pretending to have shit

can never seem to make friends, i sit here going through the list of contacts on my phone,all i see is(bank,school,a group home numer, numbers that dont even work anymore,)i never wanted the computer to be my last resort,this is the only place i ever talk to people, mabey they answer back and talk to me back because they dont know me,why do i even have vocal cords if i have nobody? and noone to talk to?noone to call,i cant even talk to the only people i know , and thats supportive home care staff,i wanted them to think someone actually cared about me, so i told them i had a friend, i made it sound so cool,but then it started to get depressing, saying you have a friend wen you really dont, so i just said that she moved out of state,i dont know what to do anymore,nobody loves me, i try to figure out why, mabey if people didnt keep on lieing to me and hurting me i wouldnt keep getting colder,am i ugly or something?atleast im good at hiding my pain,cause this smil is fake as hell,